This is a great conversation to have, but there’s a fine line here that has to be acknowledged.
I agree that Inclusion (along with diversity) is an important cultural pillar to drive job satisfaction and productivity. I share a personal story related to an article of clothing that I wore to work(from Banana Republic no less) that drew attention and made me feel like an outlier. This is different from not being included. I was pushed into the margins a bit. And I connected it to the notion that if you subtly teach people many times a day that to be even a bit different is not normal or — good heavens — wrong, then how do you expect people to assert a new business idea or otherwise think creatively if the culture is about keeping people in line? There’s an important insight there connected to the success of the company and how it can be impeded.
Slightly different point than what you’re making, in that the objective here is how the experiences of me and others can impact business results.
So maybe you are not included but you are not otherwise ridiculed that you know of. Based on what you have said my thoughts are that you need a thicker skin. Are they teasing you? Bullying you? Making fun of your hair or how you dress? Doesn’t seem so. Maybe you’re just not a social match for many of the people you work with, and you shouldn’t spend a lot of time worrying about that.
People make ‘friends’ from all aspects of their life. From work, hobbies, sports, gym, through family etc. If you’re not making friends at work to spend time with AFTER work, find them somewhere else. Try as best you can to not rely on the office for your social life. If they are going out after work they should have no obligation to invite you. It’s their personal time. Respect it…and don’t let your feelings creep into the domain of being envious of the (social) lives of others. Can be unhealthy in worse cases.
I do believe that companies should do certain things to integrate employees so that they can have a collaborative and productive work relationship. Company retreats and off sites. Events, dinners etc even at times with seating and other arrangements designed to integrate. Make sure those are happening so that you can have a ready-made platform for others to get to know you as a person. That may open the door to other things outside of work. If the commonalities aren’t there, then so be it. That’s very likely to happen the more diverse the employee base.
As long as there isn’t behavior that stops you from performing on the job (e.g. you are excluded from important meetings or left off of email threads) then your sadness over not being invited to things that are largely social is more a function of your perspective. So that’s where I’d focus your efforts. Carve your own path and cause your own happiness. Don’t wait for others to make it happen for you.
Good luck on your journey.
