Jaron Wallace, I have your D*ck

It was a cool summer evening in 2015 and I was feeling particularly lonely and available. It is the pull to date and I don’t usually undulge that feeling super often. Hisotically, the labor involved in admitting that I am emotionally available yields no fruit. I am okay with that a bit. I am picky about what I don’t want to deal with and what I need in my life.

But I wasn’t in that kind of dating mood. I wanted to share a moment with someone. I wanted to experience the sheer joy of getting to know someone and savoring the potential for romance over coffee. I was trying to find the spark for dating in myself. The desire to share my world had dampened to a long forgotten ember that lay cooling in the proverbial hearth of my mind. I was idle enough to want to nurture it.

So I took my usual step of crafting a posting for my usual haunt, Craigslist©. Say what you will about CL, it has more pros than cons. It forces people to talk instead of stalk someone on a dating site for years and never say a word. So I spent 40 minutes on my post- choosing words that did not allude a tone of anger, desperation or neediness. I just wanted to share a coffee and flirt.

Ten hours after my post was accepted, Jaron Wallace sent me the sentence, “we can talk later” and attached a picture of his (or someone else’s) penis.


This is not the first penis I have been “invited” to admire. The first was at the age of seven by my neighbor’s son. The second time was… probly in a porn? I don’t recall anymore. But the male penis admiration club is not one I wish to join.

But receiving it was insulting.

See, my ad was posted in the women for women section. In my post, there was no mention of a potential sexual encounter, no coy tongue in cheek phrase that can be a euphemism for a sweaty sheets will be a part of our future. Yet here comes Jaron Wallace and his sentence fragment and unwanted penis pic.

I should have added a disclaimer.

My initial reaction was to pour over my post and ensure I was not at fault. I didn’t write anything to elicit this? Did coffee in the afternoon indicate a desire for sex? I thought that was a gray area one stumbled upon when following a date. But no. Did I cross post in the men for women or women for men? It would be like me to over look… wait a tic! I checked the site after I pressed agree.

Jaron Wallace, did you mosey your penis into the women for women section?!

Glory. Jaron Wallace, what is wrong with you? Why are you doing this? Did your last girlfriend feel comfortable enough to come out to you? Or is this action your way of lashing out at the female race?

Inquiring minds want to know.

See I have a theory about individuals like you who wish to enter the first interaction with your penis or your money: 1. You have no idea how to approach women and are “practicing” in lesbians. 2. You are a internet troll bored by the lack of interactions with your other comment sections. 3. You are scared of putting yourself out there and my liberating post struck a nerve.

But the end result is this. I have your d*ck now. And your name. I plan on using both.

One clap, two clap, three clap, forty?

By clapping more or less, you can signal to us which stories really stand out.