25 and Full of Questions

Life’s biggest questions usually haunt me when I am in the middle of a long commute. I see them projected against the city skyline as I stare outside the vehicle’s window; the question marks punctuating them shine brighter than the flickering green, red, and yellow lights of stop lights at intersections.

Most of the time, they leave me speechless and my eyes teary. Unsure of how to react to them, I try to distract myself with other things. I struggle to pay attention to other stimuli present at the given moment. Yet, I only to end up hearing my own heart beat and it’s growing stronger than the sound of other vehicles honking or their engines roaring.

It’s frightening, really. Each time it happens to me, I am reminded of how little I am compared to the city I am slicing through and how big the world is in general. With this thought come more questions.

What have you been doing with your life? What’s going to happen tomorrow? Are you sure you’re okay? What if everything else fails? What can you do to contribute something to the society? Does your job matter? How do you help others fight injustices in the society?

The list goes on. It is, in fact, as endless as how the road seems at 3am, when you are already tired but the cab you’re in is still too far from home. But then is the inability to answer them all a bad thing?

I have learned through the so-called Romantics that the beauty is in the wanting and not in the getting. When we desire something, we do lots of things; we never stop. We may not end up as happy as we have wished for but we learn things along the way.

Maybe same thing goes with all these questions. Maybe it is through the contradictions that we learn. Maybe it is through asking ourselves that we unravel more interesting things about the world and our lives. And, maybe, these questions are signs of life.

If that’s the case, then I will just be thankful for all these questions as I celebrate my 25th birthday today. Yes, happy birthday to me. Cheers to more tough questions!

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