Smoking war at the beach
I smoked yesterday. I don’t consider it falling off the wagon cause I felt nauseous and I needed something to get me through the day. It felt weird. Remembering the aftermath, the buzz and the familiarity of what used to be so a part of my life…and isn’t anymore.
It made me realize that I’m glad I stopped.
It’s not like the initial influence didn’t trigger the warm fuzzy feeling of forgotten memories with a once dear drinking buddy. I felt relaxed sure enough and words trailed out of my mouth without hesitation. But when it kicked in full bloom, I didn’t like the feeling of being controlled by a substance other than me controlling a substance and that was how it played out.
When I drink, I can control my intake. How many drinks; my choice of liquid: wine, liquor, beer; and time of day. Weed is its own breed and a different form of intoxication. And unless you are an avid smoker, the hits can take you out. That’s what happened to me yesterday: it was as if I smoked for the first time.
Most stoners refer to this high as the ultimate satisfaction and goal you wish to achieve from its euphoria. That’s why they smoke all day. Hoping to arrive at that place they praise as professional stoners.
I don’t want that life anymore.
I’m not here to judge though. I know a lot of people who smoke in the restaurant industry and believe me, I get it. I wish I could control its intake and the effect it has on me. But I can’t and it’s not worth trying to make it work in my favor. I rather go back to sustaining from it.
What my biggest fear was having teens that I worried would catch me in the act. That is, if they hadn’t already. One day, I’ve decided to speak honestly about my addiction — cause that’s what it was. And I would rather educate them on its dos and don’ts than have them learn of it on the streets or from their friends.
This is day eight of our trip. We drive back to Nashville tomorrow. Nine hours of driving that I am somewhat dreading.
But at least I know where we’re heading is where we were just a week ago. It’s like going back to a new spot that’s not new anymore but we liked it so much to return.
I kinda wish I felt that way about smoking yesterday, but I’m glad I didn’t. I’ll stick to my tequila blanco and wine which are my two choices these days. And I’ll be okay. In fact, I’ll be satisfied.
Just like I’m satisfied with my view this morning.
Til Nashville again…