Thawing the ice (how I used this story to snap me out of my funk — and reposition my energy)
It’s the middle of the week and I feel stumped. There are knots in my stomach. I am coming off my weekend and I am not exactly thrilled about going back to work. I feel as if I am frozen in my seat, while typing away on my laptop. Wondering if something ingenious will flow on this page as I tap unconsciously on the keypad.
I feel frozen.
I didn’t drink much last night. But I am trying to wash away the sadness I feel. I miss my family. I never see them. And nothing is bothering me more knowing that the people I face on a regular basis do not value what I value the most in my life.
That’s why I feel l frozen. I can’t speak. I can’t think. My anxiety has been hitting me up like a hook-up with synchronized texts throughout the day. I know what bring them on, the attacks, but I don’t even have the strength to try to stop them.
As I said, I’m frozen.
I’m mad too. It should be a crime to disregard someone’s feelings. Who am I kidding? Boys have been doing this to me since I began dating.
But these are not boys I am referring to.
People always put themselves first. It’s human nature. I do it too. But I also know I would also listen to someone who wants to be heard. Maybe I should ‘take a knee’ in protest? How does one defend their value when no one wants to listen?
A part of me wants to be saved. I need to do the saving. I need to stop giving them this much clout. I need to shift my energy to preserving what’s most important to me. And only focus on that. Focus on the ones I’d die for. The people I love the most in my life. They need me. And I need them.
It’s time to step into the sauna and take this chill off me. It’s time to snap out of it.