Trimming the fat

I heard this term yesterday in reference to employees losing their positions because owners simply cannot afford their salary. It’s unfortunate, but it happens a lot.

Today, however, I choose to use this term differently. I had an incident yesterday that I didn’t approach the way I should have. I feel like I cheated myself of a chance to use the opportunity to be a better person. And I didn’t. I reflected on this occurrence this morning and I know now what I should have done, but it still racks my brain that I didn’t.

I should be trimming the fat.

What do I mean? I mean, cut the bullshit. Forget about that stupid shit of making a point. I am way better than that and I am way past that. I don’t need to prove to anyone that I’m more mature. Cause by doing what I did, not only did I not make a point, but I made myself look like an asshole and I do not want to do this. That’s not my character. It’s not the way my mom raised me and I want to make her proud. These days, that’s all I’ve been thinking about. Is how I could make my mom proud while I have her in my life. I love her so much and I know that my life hasn’t been laid out the way she envisioned it and it breaks my heart. It would break her heart if she knew.

I’m sorry mom. I am trying. Really I am.

So what’s your fat? What do you need to trim from your life? You know what it is…you just have to choose to trim it. Some fats are good for you, such as unsaturated fats, but some are bad. Learning to recognize which ones are bad in your life is half the battle. The hard part comes with taking them out. Whether it’s drinking two nights a week versus six. Or explaining what you’d like done differently versus yelling at your kids. Or being nice to that neighborhood who you don’t like (hint: this one is for me) instead rushing into your car when you’re on your way to work. You know the kind of person you want to be. Our human side makes it challenge to put forth our best self, but it is worth the trials that come with it because in the end, you get to sing songs of triumph (or in my case lip sync cause I can’t sing for shit).

Where is this coming from? It’s coming from the fact that I remembered when I missed my daughter’s singing competition cause I didn’t want another server to get the gig. I was so competitive then that I thought if I was always at work and made the most money, one day I’d get my chance to move up or earn that dream job I’ve always wanted. Guess what? I never did. And I still missed my daughter’s performance. If only I could have that moment back. I would do it so differently.

It is one of my biggest regrets, no, it’s my biggest regret. I’m sorry babe. I am so proud of what you accomplished that day on stage. I should have been there.

Don’t do what I did last night. Don’t do what I did three years ago. Trim that fat that holds you back from being a better person. A person you’d be proud to be. I know I learned this lesson hard last night. Even after my post from yesterday. I should have known better. But it’s okay. I have to forgive myself and learn from it. If I accomplish this, then I won’t let myself down the next time I have a chance to be better. To be kind. To let go of that fucking fat that just brings me down.

I’ve made a huge decision — to actively trim all the crap from this day forward. Suddenly, I feel renewed. I feel refreshed. It’s amazing what forgiving yourself can do. It’s called wonders and I got a case of it. You can too. All you have to do is forgive yourself and start over.

You deserve it