When you stop caring about the unknown (a tale of my constant struggle to figure things out)
Someone once told me that I had this constant desire of always trying to figure things out. Perhaps it is the Virgo in me whose trait of deciphering and dissecting everything stood out the most. I needed to discover the answers to all things, especially when they were not presented.
Why did he use that tone? Did I say something wrong? Why was his reply short?
What did she mean? Is she mad at me? Why didn’t she answer my text?
How should I interpret what just happened? Was that targeted against me?
Then one day someone, an old friend, told me something that has lingered in my mind ever since. That has brought upon a profound meaning that truly explains and indirectly answers all the questions I have ever had…
It’s not about you.
I admit it took me a long time to apply it to my life in the way she intended, but when that light came on — WHOA. Let me just say that my eyes opened wide and my mind finally rested. I no longer cared about trying to figure things out.
Now I must stress that there’s a difference between having closure and being self-centered. I am referring to the latter in this case. If you are exiting a long term relationship, I would expect nothing less than an explanation given as to why the relationship is dissolving. I’m referring to the inquiries that do not warrant explanations.
I don’t know how I came to be this way. But realizing that I don’t have to figure shit out lifted a ton of bricks off my shoulder.
Why did I care so much?
Obviously my need to be accepted and liked is a shared social feeling among the general population. But the reality is if I am confident in who I am, I don’t need the answers. In fact, I shouldn’t even fucking care. If someone doesn’t want to make time to answer my text then I merely need to take it for what it plainly is: they didn’t respond, maybe they were busy or maybe they didn’t care. In retrospect, that solves the question of whether or not I want to make time for them just as quickly.
See how this works?
It’s quite simple and I am forever thankful for my friend for slapping me (not literally but metaphorically) in the face with that comment. I can’t believe that my self-centeredness was the cause of my frustrations. This exists in my mind no more.
Try it: don’t care about most things and see what happens. You’ll realize you have more time for yourself and that’s the person that matters the most:
YOU.

