A Letter Definitely From “Dr” Harold Bornstein
To Whom it May Concern,
Donald Trump (who I am not) is in excellent health — way better health than Obama ever was. He is quite a virile specimen with larger than average hands. In fact, his hands are large enough to cradle a lion’s head, a lion being the manliest animal.
His blood pressure, heart rate and overall health are exceptional. There has been speculation that he’s taking prescriptions for hair loss, male enhancement and that one herb you only find in Chinatown that really helps in the manhood department but these are false. It’s just more fake news about a man who is as sexy now as when his golden head of hair (real hair, not a toupee) was just a fresh faced, acne-free young man at college. Maybe more. Let’s face it, I have no… I mean, he has no problems with women, let me tell you. Women are lucky to be near him, believe me. The only prescriptions I have for him are to stay away from my wife because how can I compete with him and to golf as much as necessary for health reasons, not like Obama who just wanted to waste time.
Mr Trump’s weight is a svelte 239 lbs and his body-mass measurement thing shows conclusive proof that he’s never paid for an abortion. Not that anyone would complain about carrying his seed, believe me.
Also, this examination supercedes (good word, isn’t it?) any other doctor’s opinion. I’ve been Mr Trump’s doctor and I know just as well as any of you what’s best for him. He’s a truly great man; a man of legend that only comes around once in a generation and America would be lucky to have me lead him lead us.
Dr Harold Bornstein
P.S. I can’t wait to vote for him. I’d vote twice but I’m not a cheater like that Crooked Hillary who only wants to see me fail.