Sexual Imagination: the secret for an everlasting desire

Lady Shagass
Jul 21, 2017 · 6 min read

How to keep a burning desire for each other when in a relationship? How could you have a fiery desire for a body you already know by heart? I tell you, it is possible! When the libido decreases, sexual imagination is essential to dig your buried passions out, and rejuvenate your sex life.

From passion to daily routine

“If you think adventure is dangerous, try routine; it is lethal.” I love this quotation from the writer Paulo Coelho. It is meaningful both for life and sexual life. Let’s be honest, there is nothing worse than endless routine to kill desire in a couple. Ok guys, I already hear your voices saying “Come on, couples necessarily have a form of routine! So, what do you propose? Cheating on each other to kill the routine?” Let me clear it up for you, I do not think that the perfect opposite of sexual routine is having an affair. If we think pragmatically,, it can be a solution too — one judges what is best for him and his couple accordingly to his own principles and desires — but here, I want to focus on the lack of sexual imagination. Always do the same things, touch your partner the same way, make love following the same routine everyday, never renew anything between the sheets, and what you’ll get is your sexual suicide!

The early passion overwhelms us with desire because it is new. You discover the other’s body, his touch, the way he looks at you, the way he unveils you. You discover his smell, his erogenous zones, his breath, his kisses. What is still unknown from him, you imagine it and that stimulates your desire. Everything is yet to be explored. But after several years spent together, the blaze of novelty disappears, the routine and the feeling of “déja-vu” settle in.
I am not saying that this is the worse thing ever. This is actually beautiful to end up loving your routine with your partner. Yet, this routine must not be a fatality. It is important to break it as much as possible.

Curiosity can do more than kill a cat

What is the imagination? The Oxford Dictionary defines it as “ The faculty or action of forming new ideas, or images or concepts of external objects not present to the senses.” It also defines it as “ The ability of the mind to be creative or resourceful.” To imagine is to demonstrate creativity, to be able to surprise, to remain curious. It is easier said than done, but you have to try the challenge as it is worthing it. When you’re making love, you are always two at least — you can be more, but let’s focus on the couple to make it easier, you greedy people! — . This is a moment when two bodies and minds communicate. So if your sexuality bores you, there is high chance your partner is not ecstatic either. Rather than giving way to apathy, for it is easier and you are lazy, move your ass and try to reinvent your sexuality! Use your brain and you will face a range of new possibilities.

For instance, start with buying some new naughty lingerie. This is valid for men too. I mean guys, your favorite holed pants is not what I would call sexy! New underwears show your body in a different light. For the reckless ones, why not attempting a striptease?
You can also make love in an unusual place. Unusual is not only about having sex in cinemas, at work or in a dark street. First, forget about your bed and explore all places of your house. The sofa, the bathroom’s sink or the kitchen’s workplan have aphrodisiac effects you would not suspect. Sextoys also dig fantasies out! From handcuffs to love eggs, the sextoy industry is constantly innovating for our peasure. Find your fantasies and your partner’s, make proposals, talk about it together. Communication is essential!

Renew the way you give yourself to your partner, the way you touch him. Dare to improvise new positions, to whisper him nasty words in the ear, to try new ways to make your cunnilingus or blowjob irresistible. Create different erotic situations from one night to the other. It can make the difference. Propose an erotic massage, use lubricants to smooth the penetration, blindfold his eyes to demultiply sensations. Your sexuality only has the limits you decide. Even when in an old relationship, you can still cross the boundaries and explore new sexual playgrounds.

Sexual imagination needs some selfishness

Of course, it is harder to fantasy about a person you have been knowing for decades, than about a person you just met. I am in a “baby couple”, so I know difficulties brought by time in a long relationship. I also know that you can keep dreaming about your partner and finding him desirable. He can still stimulate your sexual imagination years after years. But to make it happen, efforts have to be both ways. The american therapist Esther Perel published the book “Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence”. She noted that people feel more attracted to their partner when he is away from them. Why? Because they have to imagine him. When you live together, you tend to do everything together, to merge hobbies and personnalities. Yet, it is necessary that each person keeps his own personal hobbies. When you miss your partner, it stimulates your imagination. You may be proud and aroused to imagine your partner enjoy a moment without you. It does not mean that you should neglect your partner. Carefulness is also a way to make desire last. Take time to remember some of your best sexual time together. Have in mind that it is still the same person and wake up that old desire.

Authorize yourself to stimulate your sexual imagination without your partner. You have the right to save some fantasies in your secret garden and to masturbate. Depending on the relationship, some people may like to share their best porn movies with their boyfriend/husband or even watch it together. Others would keep it secret. There are no rules with fantasies. The most important is: never feel guilty for masturbating! It does not matter if you do it in front of porn images or by appealing to your imagination. It should just not take over your will to spend time with your partner. The power of masturbating should not be underestimated, as it can be profitable for your couple. To caress yourself is an amazing way to free your inner erotic load and to develop your fantasies. We have some fabulous natural sextoys aka fingers, so let’s enjoy them! As paradoxical as it may appear, you do not betray your partner if you enjoy a solo pleasure sometimes. I am going to say something for women only — because, I think we tend to feel more guilty than men for everything — : do not feel ashamed to have fantasies while making love! If your imagination helps you feel more pleasure, even to have an orgasm, what’s so bad in it? At the end, it improves your sexuality as a couple and that is what you want.

There are so many solutions to avoid boredom in bed and get off properly! Communicate, imagine, love each other. Mix all these ingredients together in the sex pot and your sexuality will improve like a magic spell. Abracadabra!

)
Lady Shagass

Written by

French female blogger about sexpowerment and positive sexuality. Original French website: www.desculottees.com

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade