Why you need to learn to be uncomfortable (in relationships and in life)

Military generals learned this a long time ago. Burn the boats after landing. If there is no way back - no choice to retreat - the only way is through it. No matter the cost or the hardship, you either survive and be stronger after it or die trying.

Eventually every romantic relationship loses its spark — some lose it after 6 month — some after 2 years. But it is inevitable that the relationship will change from extreme infatuation and idealization of the other person to a more sober and realistic view - even though nothing changed except perception. Reality slowly creeped in.

When things get hard most people give up and bail - even if you are not, your partner might. It is actually by far the best short-term strategy for the one who is ‘suffering’ the most in the relationship because the problems just seem too hard, unpleasant or unsurmountable. Everyone else seems to have it better, the grass is always greener somewhere else. Always another infatuation or idealization just around the corner (or already right there). So why not end it and choose the easy short-term outcome?

Will this not happen in every relationship though, when the infatuation is fading? Do you want your life to be a series of short and medium term relationships? Or do you want to have a partner you can exchange stories about being young together when you are old?

The best long-term strategy is often times 180° different to its short-term counterpart. What if you would tough it out? What if you learn something, about yourself, about your partner, about communication, about how to make it work? Challenge yourself to get through it and actively pursue it. Because afterwards, you’ll be changed. You’ll be better.

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t — you’re right.“
- Henry Ford

It will be mostly a matter of attitude, mindset and basic compatibility. As a rule of thumb, the longer you have been with your partner, the greater the chances that you have a similar mindset, values and basic compatibility. In the end, you need to make the correct choice in your particular situation though.

Sometimes it is a good idea to act as if you have no choice at all. Burn the boats, don’t give yourself an excuse - your mind will rationalize the easy way out given the chance. For the good life, you need to learn not to bail when it gets uncomfortable.

Why not learn it now?