Life is hard when you have depression and other shitty stuff…

I don’t know…

Today’s blog is not that interesting for you but I have to express myself and that’s what blogs are for right?

So please excuse me while I kind of rant in this blog.

So I have had problems with my eyesight for ages now. It literally feels like I was born wearing glasses to be honest…

2 years ago, I changed glasses/lenses.

And that’s when all hell broke loose!

The year following this change in glasses/lenses, I felt sick. I was really tired. I had headaches. I was tired all the time. Nothing was right. So I checked my eyesight again and then once again I changed my lenses.

I would like to tell you that everything was back to normal after this but it was not..

I kept on having a blurry vision and I kept on being tired all the time.

Every single day, I felt tired and that made me want to cry because I kept on thinking that it was all my fault. And as you might know, I have depression so this whole situation really didn’t help at all.. I thought that there was something wrong with me and that everything was my fault! Even though it’s not my fault at all! My eyes are shitty and I can’t help it. But when you have depression, that conclusion is not really in your top options. When you have depression, everything is your fault. Anyway, this blog is not about depression. Or maybe it is, I don’t know honestly..

All that to say that I once again got my eyes checked and finally a competent eye doctor told me that my eyes are actually not looking straight and I would need rehabilitation. Who knew that was even a thing? I didn’t know this kind of thing happened!

Anyway, what is the point of that blog? — I don’t know honestly…

But here are a few things that I’ve learned:

  • I was scared of going to my optician. I was literally standing a few meters from the shop while I was debating whether to go or not. But then I mustered the courage and I went. To some this might seem silly but I am actually proud of myself! I’m a shy introvert with depression and anxiety and sometimes it’s hard for me to do simple things such as asking for help/advice or anything. Some people might have been in my place and they wouldn’t even have questioned themselves and their decision and they would have gotten in the shop right away without thinking. But for us people with more trouble with social interactions, it’s actually hard to do. So yay to me for conquering one of my fears and anxieties!
  • Everything will be ok and nothing is your fault. It’s hard when shitty things happen to you. And it’s even harder to deal with when you’re on top of that dealing with shitty things such as depression and anxiety and other shitty things. But everything will be ok! (Note that I am writing this not to convince you, the reader, but me, Lalaina the writer)
  • It’s ok to cry! Cry as much as you want! It really does help! When you don’t know what to do anymore, just cry. Just get rid of all the sadness and confusion. Cry until all your feelings are out of your body. Then you’ll feel better and you’ll be able to think more clearly without any emotions troubling you. This might seem like a weird advice but it’s very true. If you feel like crying then just cry! Even when you don’t know why you’re crying. Even when you have no reason to cry. Even when you’re happy! Cry a freaking river if you need to!

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