Let’s get this out of the way first: White guy, black wife, “black” children.
Keith Collyer

What I was trying to say here is to stop telling people who they are and who they aren’t and be careful with what you say. Because when the people in my class told the other girl she was the ONLY black girl in the class it made me feel less than her. It was like I was not there. That I did not exist. Just because I am not the “standard shade of black” doesn’t make me any less black, that does not make me invisible or inexistant. You know what I mean? And besides my people are from Madagascar and there are a lot of people from there that would be the considered the “standard color of black”, the kind that when you see them you go “that’s a black person”. But that doesn’t make the others (myself included) not black. I don’t know, it just upsets me that people would define what is black and what is not. And that upsets me even more that they don’t see that what they’re saying is wrong. It is wrong on so many levels. I wish colors didn’t matter so you wouldn’t have to tell someone “you’re black” ; “you’re white” ; “you’re this” ; “not that”. First of all, YOU don’t tell me what I am. I am human that is what I am and that is all that should matter.

I understand that your daughter doesn’t think of herself as white or black but rather as herself. I agree with that, she shouldn’t have to chose which one she is, she is both, both are her. But the thing that upsets me is people telling her “but you’re not white” or “but you’re not black”. They shouldn’t tell her that. They don’t have the right to tell her that. It’s like you’re telling her “but you’re not your dad” or “but you’re not your mom”, that’s ridiculous because she is both, she was created by genes from both so in a way she is both her dad and her mom. You know what I mean?

I just am tired of people telling you what you are or what you are not as if they knew for sure the answer. They don’t know. They have no idea. So why even talk? Like the quote says “if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all”. Telling someone “you’re not black” ; “you’re not white” etc… is not a nice thing. Whether you think what you’re saying is true or not. Just simply do. not. say. it.

What/Who the person is is not for you to tell.

I would also add:

It is for the person to discover for themselves.

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