“Dial-A-Deputy Becomes The New Frontier Of Community Policing!”
In a bold move to combat the rising drug menace, a local police department has unveiled its latest initiative: “Dial-A-Deputy,” a revolutionary service aiming to ensure the safety and legality of drug transactions.
Gone are the days of shady deals in dark alleys; welcome to the era of customer service-focused policing.
Imagine calling a hotline only to be greeted by Officer Friendly, ready to dispense advice on the latest market rates for cannabis and the purity of your neighborhood cocaine.
“Remember,” advises Officer Friendly in one of the calls, “if the deal sounds too good to be true, it probably is. And don’t forget to ask for organic!”
The service has received rave reviews for its innovative approach to public safety.
One satisfied customer noted, “I was unsure about the quality of my purchase, but after a quick chat with Deputy Daisy, I felt confident I wasn’t getting ripped off. She even threw in a free tutorial on harm reduction!”
However, not everyone is pleased.
Drug dealers across the city are up in arms, claiming that the police are cutting into their profit margins with their unbeatable customer service and reliability.
“It’s unfair competition,” grumbles one anonymous dealer. “How can I compete with a dealer who offers a money-back guarantee?”
As the program gains popularity, the lines between law enforcement and public service blur.
Crime rates plummet, public health awareness soars, and the city’s drug scene becomes the safest (and most regulated) in the nation.
In a surprising twist, the police department is nominated for the “Best Customer Service” award, marking a new chapter in the annals of community policing.
The initiative’s success has sparked interest from other departments worldwide, eager to implement their own “Dial-A-Deputy” programs.
As for the local police, they’re already brainstorming their next big project: “Snitch-And-Save,” a loyalty program for informants.
CONTEXT: https://au.news.yahoo.com/police-disrupt-major-dial-dealer-215004146.html
Read more satire here: https://www.instagram.com/lampoonlounge or https://www.tiktok.com/@lampoonlounge
