
Everybody is Getting Married
“No fucking way. He’s getting married too?”
This has basically been my thought process these past few weeks.
My feed has been peppered with images of dudes kneeling down at some picturesque, sun-kissed balcony with bright yellow faerie lights draped over some garden-gate arrangement. In his hand is a sparkling gemmed ring or some sort of cheesy card straight out of a prom night music video. At the corner of the image are smiling faces — presumably friends and family of the now engaged couple. And, right below the insane amount of likes, hearts, and “wow” emotes is the same comment posted by hundreds of different people:
“Congratulations!”
Oh boy.
Why the hell would you do that to yourself? One moment, you were a single dude that answered to nobody but your bank account. And, just like that, you’ve signed your life away to the linear path of dirty diapers, home loans, and a 9–5 desk job ‘till the end of time.
If you’ve, I dunno, been dumped with 10 million bucks right in front of your doorstep and went on a mad spree of bucket list escapades beforehand, then I’d get it. No hate, amigo. But, otherwise, you have nothing but my sympathy.
Maybe you did it ‘cuz you messed up. Forgot to slap on a condom or something like that. Or, maybe it’s a culture thing. “You tapped it? Put a ring on it.” type of deal. I get it. Upsetting the norm isn’t exactly on the top of anyone’s list. But man, I just can’t see myself raising a kid and being an example to him this early in life.
It’s kind of hard to teach things when you don’t have a lot to teach yet. Besides, have you really done enough things as a single man to settle down that early?
But hey, maybe I’m just saying this because I’m one hell of a late bloomer when it comes to growing up. I just learned not to use metal spatulas while cooking a few months ago, operate a washing machine a year ago, and not cry myself to sleep when I flew down here two years ago.
Right now, I’m on a quest to understand how women think. And man, did I bite off more than I can chew. But it’s just one other thing I need to learn from the endless list life gave me.
That’s the only certainty I’ve come to accept so far: that nobody really has an idea with what the hell they are doing. And to say to someone that you’ll be with them ‘till death isn’t a promise you should make just because it’s the norm.
So, to all the single dudes out there looking for love and fighting the good fight, ask yourself if marriage is really what you want. Because, man, I’ve thought about it a lot lately. And, as the weeks and dates go by, I’ve realised that maybe I just need someone to be with when the moment calls for it.
Someone to talk to during the bad days. Someone to hug during the cold days. And someone to laugh with during the good days.
Do you really need marriage to do that?
I don’t think so.
