It’s hardly ever your fault.

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Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Have you ever felt like you didn’t belong somewhere society says you do belong? I am, of course, speaking of family.

Popular media, including movies, tv shows, and even commercials, present us with families who get along, include all members, and above all else, respect and support one another. But is this always the case? Is this even often the case?

The perfect family is why the Publix grocery store commercials shown every Thanksgiving and Christmas make me a little teary-eyed. Real, raw depictions of family are found on shows produced by Netflix or…


You don’t choose not to function; You are incapable of it

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Photo by Dyu-Ha on Unsplash

I have bipolar disorder type I. The gist of bipolar disorder is that you alternate between feeling depressed and feeling invincible and euphoric, which is referred to as mania. When you are depressed, you can be really depressed and almost catatonic. When you are manic, you are like a living YouTube video that starts with the line, “Hold my beer. Hey guys, watch this!”

You don’t have to have bipolar disorder to feel depressed. You don’t even have to be diagnosed with depression to feel depressed. Whether you have a diagnosis or not isn’t the…


My trip to the restroom was not restful.

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Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

The story I am about to relate to you is true, I swear it. You may not believe me, but I promise it is. And it all started like this…

It was humid and sunny that late May afternoon. My family had just eaten dinner. All nestled in my dad’s enormous white Chevy Suburban, we were on our way to a small outdoor venue for a concert. I don’t remember what the show was, but I know it was an oldies concert. …


Are you looking for a man to love? I’ve got you covered with these tips!

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Photo by freestocks on Unsplash

As a divorced female, I have done a lot of thinking about relationships. Specifically, I’ve pondered what went wrong in all of mine. And, also how I do not want to be in one ever again, but I also kind of do. I mean, I enjoy living alone and being able to do whatever I want whenever I want. I love not having to take someone else’s preferences into account when I choose how to set my thermostat. But, sometimes, it might be nice to have a special someone in my life. …


Even though old Tristan over there is never a mess

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Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

Do you ever feel like a mess? Or, as we say in the south, a hot mess? If you’ve never heard the phrase “hot mess” before, it probably sounds like a come-on. Really, it is a way to give an extra “kudos!” to people who have managed spectacular achievement in the field of being a mess. I think you even get a trophy.

Some days, and usually, these are times when we say, “Today just isn’t my day,” we wonder if we should just go live off the grid on the side of a…


Listen, Even if It’s Crazy Talk

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Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

I have been pondering relationships lately. Hell, when am I not pondering relationships? I recall having dinner with a friend several years ago, only a couple of years after my divorce. During the dinner, my friend and I talked about my divorce, as when you’ve only been divorced for two years, you tend to want to discuss your divorce rather frequently, you know, to vent. Okay, this behavior may not hold true for everyone, but it certainly did for me.

During our conversation, my friend was thoughtful enough to point out how stupid my…


And, probably, neither do you.

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Photo by Eternal Seconds on Unsplash

There. I said it. I have no idea what I’m doing about almost everything. I mean, sure, I go to work, and I know how to do my job correctly, and I can drive my car in such a way that it doesn’t go flying over the tops of big things like it was The General Lee in The Dukes of Hazard (unfortunately). But these are not the things to which I’m referring. …


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Image credit: Getty Images

*I wrote this in 2014 for a my now defunct blog, The Random Memorandum, and then Hamilton! came out the following year, so it’s hard to get people to believe I wrote it earlier!*

Alex

Prepare for annihilation, Aaron…

This story I am gonna tell,

It dragged me to the depths of hell,

And stole me from this hallowed Earth

Upon whose grounds I used to dwell.

Aaron

Drama, drama, drama…

You may know me as Aaron Burr!

Watch me assault this scurvy cur

With words that cut him down to size

Like an axe chops…


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Image by Jeff Mendoza on Unsplash

July 29, 2017

Atlanta, Georgia

Tensions were high yesterday at the Peachtree Road location of Subway, which is located in North Atlanta. Diner Larkyn Simony, 39, an Atlanta native, was waiting to pay for her sandwich when onlookers report that she began “scouring the chip rack.” Johnson McDougal, 24, of Sandy Springs, Georgia, reports that “She (Simony) was “staring at that rack like she was undressing it with her eyes. I don’t know what she was looking for, but I sure wish a lady would look at me like that.”

Melanie Ringle, 19, of…


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Photo: Fabrizio Verrecchia on Unsplash

I’ve had many terrible things happen to me in my life. So many, in fact, that I won’t go into them. Because what I wish to communicate is not how I have cried for what I have lost, but how I now cry different tears for that which I could someday gain. What’s interesting about life is how a person’s constitution has such a bearing on how outside events affect them.

Some people are born knowing how to take care of themselves in this world that can be so indifferent to feelings and emotions. Perhaps…

Larkyn Simony

Fiction, humor, being human, mental health, communication, shenanigans. Visit my blog Spinach in Your Teeth & Twitter @LarkynSimony. Book out now!

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