Vacationeering

Somewhere right now they’re living right, like they have it all figured out, and we buy plane tickets for vacationeering and we pretend to live among them and we admire them. We glow with admiration for them…we literally glow… We sit in cafés and we watch them and we tell ourselves, “this is what it’s all about, this is what we need, and it all starts with a state of mind, we can take this home with us this time, we just have to make the effort.”

And we say, “I’m never going to settle for a shitty cup of coffee again and if I feel like napping in the afternoon, by god, I’m going to take that nap. And all of that nonsense that keeps us so busy, fine, I can play that game, but never again will I treat those pursuits as if they have substance. I’m going to read more and paint and make love on Tuesdays,” and then we have a glass of wine with lunch.

And we pause come sunset and gaze at the hues of the diminishing day crawling away from the darkness as we declare, “this trip came just at the right time. Things are going to be different from now on. You’ll see.”

And the day of departure comes. We pack up and we’re sad. Already the conviction is starting to wane. Then comes airport security and weather delays. Baggage claim and the familiar smell of the SUV. Finally the headlights sweep into the driveway and we try to convince ourselves that it’s good to be home. We carry the luggage inside, do the math and realize the sun is just now rising over there, and boy, do they have it all figured out.