You know why conservatives (like me) like you, right? It’s because being realistic about the real ends of politics and the necessary means to achieve them is an illiberal insight. Crushing your opponents is illiberal; that doesn’t make it necessarily conservative, but it does mean that you and I — both scheming to crush one another— have someone we both disagree with, someone to point at and laugh about together: the idiots who don’t realize the stakes.
Also, you spend a lot of time being driven to anguish by your ideology and your compatriots, and I’ll admit there’s a little bit of schadenfreude going on. I’m not necessarily proud of it, but it’s there. Sorry.