I signed up for this a while ago and clearly haven’t gotten around to using it… although I am sitting on like 12–15 drafts and then an additional 20+ incomplete posts. I haven’t been able to bring myself to publish any of them.
Everyone has a brand or a look, whether it is done consciously or not… I like to think I portray myself as an outgoing, overly confident, rough around the edges type of person, with a side of crazy (if you read my twitter)… and in all honesty I do remember a time when I did felt like that all the time IRL.
Then the music industry happened to me. It broke me. I couldn’t tell you exactly when or if there was one specific moment that I can call out, but i feel like a shell of myself and I know I am not the only one. For an industry that is built around something like music that is intended to bring people together, the other side is filled with greed and manipulation and JUDGEMENT. Obviously this is not the only industry with its issues… its just the only one I have been in.
I am now 28 and am a shell of my former self living in a self created prison that is called my brain. I have always been the type of person to overanalyze situations, but I was never afraid of judgement. I was proud of who I was as a person and had the self proclaimed tagline of “this is me. take it or leave it”. I was overly honest and never afraid to discuss my opinions… keyword there is OPINIONS.
Somewhere along the line I started to self edit. I was turning into a people pleaser and now I just can’t shake the feeling. I had become so terrified and consumed with what other people may or may not be saying about me that I completely lost myself.
So for the past year I have been trying to put the pieces back together and figure out who I am and who I want to be.
I read an article last night from a few years ago, and one line really stood out to me.
“Don’t fear criticism, just keep creating.”
So here we are… I think it’s finally time, whether or not I am ready. Im doing it. Go ahead and judge me. You can like me, love me or hate me.
This is me. take it or leave it.