How to: Walk on a Sidewalk in San Francisco

A guide for tourists and conference attendees

Maximum width of two people. Don’t walk three across. Sometimes two is even too many. Holding hands should be banned during rush hour.

Keep your head up or get ready for a game of chicken. Don’t text/read a book/watch a video/Facetime your mom. When you do these things, you don’t pay attention to what’s in front of you, and your multi-tasking slows you down to a snail’s pace. Save it for later.

Be mindful of the poop. Another reason to pay attention, the land mines. Feeling generous? Call out, “POOP!” as you step over the poop to warn the people behind you. There’s no need to call out the origins of the poop, you don’t want to step in it either way.

Wear sensible shoes. Sure, your high heels make your calves look uh-mazing but it’s just not practical. San Francisco sidewalks will get them super dirty and you REALLY don’t want to walk back to your hotel barefoot because your poor decision gave you painful blisters.

Don’t stop without pulling over. You want to take a picture of some random building that inspired you? That’s cool. We are totally okay with that, but don’t make a hard stop in the traffic flow to take the picture. Pull over. Get out of the way.

Remember that people live here. We love that you want to visit and appreciate our city, but we have places to be and are just trying to get from here to there. If you follow these simple suggestions, you will have a great time and won’t get the stink eye.