Published inSlackjawHere Come The Tumble Men, Ready To Tumble For Our PraisePrepare yourself, for the time for tumbling draws nigh.Jul 14, 2021Jul 14, 2021
Published inThe Belladonna ComedyHow To Slowly Knit Yourself Into A Cocoon To Dull The Excruciating Pain That Is ExistenceA guide for the modern woman.Aug 17, 20181Aug 17, 20181
5 Steak ’n Shakes Where I Rubbed One Out In Celebration Of The Winter SolsticeI love winter. Nothing beats warm socks, gentle snowfall, and cuddling up under a warm blanket with a good book. So every year I celebrate…Dec 22, 20162Dec 22, 20162
6 Undergrad Majors That Won’t Outshine Your Boyfriend’s Decision To Go Pre-MedNursing is cutting it close to being a doctor, but it’s not being a doctor and it never will be.Nov 17, 2016Nov 17, 2016
6 Of The Bustier Portraits Of First Ladies We’ll Have To Remove From The White House If Trump WinsBecause He’ll Probably Jizz On ThemNov 3, 20165Nov 3, 20165
I’m Sorry I’m Late But I Had To Blow The Guy Who Held The Door Open For Me At The BankI’m sorry that I’m late. I ran to the bank before work, and a man held the door open for me, and as etiquette dictates, I had to…Oct 11, 20164Oct 11, 20164
I’m The One Who Can Smell What The Rock Is CookingI’d say I’m a pretty normal woman. I enjoy concerts, sci-fi novels, and playing softball. I eat well, don’t do drugs, and exercise…Sep 21, 20161Sep 21, 20161
Which Of My Daughters Will Be Lucky Enough To Be Donald Trump’s 4th Wife?Now, I know what you’re thinking. At 14 Cassie’s my oldest daughter and therefore the most likely candidate to be Donald Trump’s fourth…Aug 24, 20161Aug 24, 20161
If Adam Driver Sees This And Wants To Hang, That’d Be CoolI’m not suggesting that Adam Driver wants to hang out. That’d be ludicrous. He’s probably busy filming the next Star Wars movie. I wouldn’t…Jul 12, 2016Jul 12, 2016
