6 Of The Bustier Portraits Of First Ladies We’ll Have To Remove From The White House If Trump Wins Because He’ll Probably Jizz On Them
The First Ladies of the United States have shaped this nation with their philanthropic activities, dedication to preservation of historical artifacts, and loyalty to their country. So, if Donald Trump wins, we might want to remove some the portraits of the more voluptuous ones so that he doesn’t get semen on them.
- Dolley Madison
Dolley Madison was a socialite whose popularity boosted her husband’s presidential reputation. When the White House was set ablaze in 1814 she, with the help of White House staff, saved the portrait of George Washington. This woman deserves our respect, and not to be coated in the jerk sauce of a sexual predator.
2. Frances Cleveland
Frances Cleveland was the first First Lady to be married in the White House as well as the first to have children while her husband was in office. She gracefully served as hostess for many White House events, so I don’t think it’s too much to ask that her portrait not be shot with the meat seed of a hump criminal.
3. Helen Taft
While serving as First Lady, Helen Taft supported women’s suffrage, opposed prohibition, and lobbied for safer working conditions. She later served as Vice President to the Girl Scouts of America. She lived a full life of steadfast convictions and we should not let her amazing portrait be crusted with the cock spit of a career rapist.
4. Edith Wilson
After Woodrow Wilson’s stroke in 1919, Edith Wilson took over a significant amount of work for the president. She made decisions on his behalf to lessen the strain on his fragile health. So just because her portrait happens to offer a glimpse of décolletage that does not mean that she is asking to be coated with gallons of Ted Bundy’s brother’s dick Gogurt.
5. Eleanor Roosevelt
Eleanor Roosevelt is one of the most accomplished First Ladies in American history. She supported the Tuskegee airmen, advanced careers for women during the war, and was the first chairperson of the United Nations Commission on Human Rights. So you’d think that would garner her an abstention from being firehosed by the Miracle Whip of a crotch snatcher.
6. Mamie Eisenhower
Mamie Eisenhower was lauded for her exquisite style and kind hospitality. She was well known for a specific shade of pink she liked to wear that was later coined, “First Lady” pink. Her inaugural gown was embroidered with over 2,000 rhinestones, and it’s acrylic likeness does not deserve to be desecrated with the Bertolli alfredo sauce of a man whose list of abuse accusers rivals Bill Cosby’s.
