I read somewhere it’s Friday

Straffshine
Aug 25, 2017 · 3 min read

Living with mental illness can be bewildering. Your time and space are confused. Especially with more severe disorders.

Bipolar II was my most recent diagnosis, along with “traumatized.” I hope the second one will go away eventually because it is really challenging to live with trauma.

Bipolar II Disorder — is defined by a pattern of depressive episodes and hypomanic episodes, but not the full-blown manic episodes

Bipolar Disorder has had a few other names. Manic-depressive illness. Hypomania. And from people who are not doctors, “crazy.” That’s a hard word to hear. It’s kind of like calling a person with cancer “weak.”

Here are some fast facts about Bipolar Disorder from the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH.)

  • There is a spectrum of Bipolar, simlar to the autism spectrum
  • Bipolar disorder is episodic, meaning it comes and goes.
  • This disorder greatly affects mood and can make the patient do things completely out of their usual character.

Here is actual information pulled from NIMH’s official website:

Signs and Symptoms

People with bipolar disorder experience periods of unusually intense emotion, changes in sleep patterns and activity levels, and unusual behaviors. These distinct periods are called “mood episodes.” Mood episodes are drastically different from the moods and behaviors that are typical for the person. Extreme changes in energy, activity, and sleep go along with mood episodes.

So in laments terms, living with this illness is like being on a rollercoaster that you might not even want to ride.

There are two sides to this illness, thus the bi prefix of bipolar.

Available at NIMH website

A personal reaction to these symptoms:

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  • This part of the illness is tough. I want to do a lot for my daughter and husband, yet I am drained by noon.
  • Sleep is so important for cognitive function, but it is very interrupted when you are feeling this way.
  • In the past 4 months, I have been extremely forgetful. Thus, the title of this piece, “I heard somewhere it’s Friday.”
  • The concentration is so hard because my professional life is so important to me and I feel permanently distracted.
  • Lately, I can barely eat.
  • And yes, there are suicidal thoughts, but I am safe and not having them.

A personal reaction to symptoms of mania

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  • Everything to do with energy is true. Some mornings I feel like I could run a 26.2 and continue with my day.
  • Annoying sounds are terrifying when I am manic.
  • “touchy” is a funny symptom…when I am having a manic episode, I do not want to be touched at all.
  • I think I can do many things at once when I am manic. When I am well, I do one thing at a time.
  • The risky behavior stuff is scary. And still, I always own my behavior. Regardless of an illness I know it is still a behavior I have exhibited.

So, I always apologize for inappropriate behavior.

This is a challenging illness to live with. And yet, what is the other choice? We must continue to live with it each day. We put on our pants one leg at a time. We look at the calendar frequently to remember where we are. And we look for the people we love the most and Thank God they are still here for us.

Be well. Be safe. One small moment at a time.

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Straffshine

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