Who Said It: Donald Trump Jr. or George Oscar Bluth Jr.?

1. Dad asked me to do this on the day he pleads not guilty, as a spectacular protest. A protestacular!

2. And guess what else? Dad kissed me!

3. This pork shank is bigger than my head.

4. You can’t even make fat jokes now.

5. Oh, now you love the Ten Commandments. Yet, you’re the one who so conveniently forgot “thou shalt protect thy father and honor no one above him unless it beeth me, thy sweet Lord.”

6. Who wants to help me build a wall to keep Mexicans out of America?

7. Christian magic act? If I were Muslim, would you say “Muslim magic act”?

8. If I had a bowl of skittles and I told you just three would kill you, would you take a handful?

9. Yeah, like I’m going to take a whiz through this $5,000 suit! COME ON!

10. I have no middle wardrobe. I go from the suit to jeans.

11. I hear the jury’s still out on science.

12. I’ve broken probably every major bone in my body.

13. If you’re a boob guy, this whole lactation thing is amazing. The sports bra the wife is wearing is losing the containment battle!!!

14. I think there was a time in my life . . . that I wished every guy was gay because it meant more women for me! I don’t know what everyone’s problem with it is. I wish everyone was gay! If I have to suffer through marriage, why shouldn’t they?

15. Last time I was in a room with so many women, there was a disco ball and a main stage, if you know what I mean.

16. Nothing at all could go wrong with this.

17. I’m a failure. I can’t even fake the death of a stripper.

18. I totally freaked out in front of that prosecutor today. Like a little girl, in a little dress, little saddle shoes, little pigtails.

19. I’ve never admitted to a mistake. What would I have made a mistake about?

20. I’ve made a huge, tiny mistake.

21. In retrospect, I probably would have done things a little differently.

22. But I’m white!

Don Jr.: 3, 4, 8, 10, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 21
Gob: 1, 2, 5, 6, 7, 9, 11, 17, 18, 19, 20, 22

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