I want this to be one of the best blog posts I’ve ever written. I have been incredibly transparent the past few years as I’ve used this space as a medium to express myself, but as I close out the biggest chapter of my life, I see myself slowly leaving my digital journal behind and focusing more on long form news pieces, or less dramatic posts about the interesting life I’ve lived. Tomorrow, I graduate from the University of Tennessee, Knoxville.
How does one leave four years behind in just one day? When I turn that tassel and shake those stoic hands on stage, my time at UT is officially over. Four years of experiences, finessing classes, loving too hard, laughing too much, cheering to my triumphs and some of the best years of my life are over.
Life moves really fast!
In BeyHive love and super stan tendencies, all that lemonade Bey let us sip last week inspired me to write down all the moments that stand out to me from my time in school and just life in general. So sit back and sip on this.
Friends. I’ve made the best friends I’ve ever known in just four years. I always say the best friendships are made when you don’t quite remember how you even met the person. It’s kind of like they were in your life all along. My friends have taught me so much. Freshman year, I had never listened to old school R&B or a lot of new age hip-hop and now I can recite Boosie word to word and R&B is my go-to when I’m in my feelings. Cue Aaliyah or play some Ginuwine. I’m hip to it all now. My friends taught me that late nights and laughter are more meaningful than nights at home alone in the bed. They’ve taught me that adversity comes in different shapes and sizes, but that foundation is what holds us together. They taught me how to use chopsticks during sushi dates and that Burnette’s is the worst liquor ever created. Specifically Pink Lemonade. My friends taught me how to laugh at myself and that being weird is amusing and accepted. My friends have shown me that true love exists every single day. From New York to Memphis, to Nashville to Chattanooga and the Tri-Cities and beyond, I know love everyday because I have friends that will last me a lifetime. My backbones, my confidants, the people that hate my laugh and love my craziness, you are the reason I am so much of who I am today. Truly, no one can love you like I love you all.
Love. The mere thought of love freshman year was disgusting to me. One thing I love about myself is that I’ve never yearned for someone to complete me. I can be pretty anti when it comes to relationships. But later into my freshman year I met this guy, C, and to this day he is by far the definition of what love should be for a black woman. Maturity didn’t let us grow beyond what was established, but we have a bond that I think is unmatched. In our short time together, I learned the true meaning of respect. It’s something I hold on to, tucked away for when I leave this place and find someone who I’ll finally demand something from. And while that sounds weird, I’ve only met “fillers” in college. People who fill the semesters but don’t offer much in return. People I’ve poured into but could never fill. Like N. Two years of pouring into and never feeling complete. He was the first person I thought I was crazy about, but then I had to acknowledge that my world was out of order and that he was a piece of the madness that filled it. I regret nothing, but I acknowledge everything that went into our time together and I’m thankful for condescending roommates who told me to leave him alone and realizing my life was becoming a really bad movie with a not so good ending. So, I had to redirect. And for some mysterious reason, I got directed to B. My possible first love. The person I risked it all for.
(Brittney Spears 2007 meltdown pretty much equated to Lauriel’s 2015 meltdown minus the hair shaving. Hair shaving was totally 2014.)
B is also one of the most disrespectful, beautiful, interesting, self-disowning, comforting people I’ve ever come into contact with. A story too turbulent and too close to heart to tell. But the name never stays in my mouth. As I leave this small city for good, I know I’m leaving B behind too. And all I can pray for is that the next time B decides to break a girl’s heart, internal self love will be more evident than the love all us girls have undoubtedly poured into them.
Family. Thankful comes to mind when I think about my family during the past four years. It has been so challenging being away from home, missing some holidays or not being able to run home when times were tough. If I could calculate how many minutes, hours, seconds even, have been spent on the phone talking to my mom, FaceTiming my dogs, checking-in on my daddy, or texting my mom in class about how I needed money, the number would be infinite. The love that blooms inside of you for family when you’re away is indescribable. Being away teaches you what’s important and that I Love You’s hold so much weight. If nothing teaches you true love in college, family will make you a believer that love is the greatest gift of all.
Life. When life gives you lemons, you learn how to make lemonade. Living ain’t easy. It takes so much more than breathing everyday to give you life. I’ve learned to keep my glass half-full, understanding that no day is bad, but some days just aren’t as good as others. There have been days where I’ve wanted to give up but I find life in something so small, yet so impactful. I have been lucky enough to live a big life. People call me crazy and wild, but my experiences have made me see life on such a big scale. I know there is so much for me out in the world and I’m yearning to get my hands on everything. Life teaches you to love yourself. Life teaches you that love isn’t a choice, but an innate feeling. Life shows you who your true friends are. Life shows you that God exists. Life shows you that perfection is never happiness. Life shows you that demons are real but faith is stronger. Life has shown me some bitter, sour moments, but it also gives me a sweet reality. My lemonade has been shaken, stirred and I’ve poured a lot into what I want my life to be.
So, sip on this and figure out the recipe for your life.
