My life pre-2013 read like an over-played Journey song. Small town girl, lonely world, yadda yadda. No, seriously. One-light, small town, cow pasture across the street small town. This past year came with a big move to Washington DC, an introduction to the animal called “college”, and with it, my first “real” jobs.

For the majority of the year, I held two jobs — one in an office and one as an intern that mainly worked remotely. I’ve seen the movies; The Devil Wears Prada, 13 Going on 30, Confessions of a Shopaholic. I thought these were just movies, an over-hyped, over-glamorized version of what I’d really be doing day to day. But as they say, the truth is stranger (and much crazier) than fiction. And in this case, this little fish in a big pond found that cliché to be true.

If you’ve interned in a city before, or at all, you know how… interesting… these jobs can be and can hopefully relate to my experiences. And for those who have not, here’s a quick sneak peak of what you might run into. Just try not to spill any coffee on your new flats.

1. Two words: Confirm and Thank.

I don’t know if it comes from an inherent distrust of the millennial generation, a need for constant validation, or just a simple power struggle, but it’s not ever simply enough to read an e-mail and do what you’re told. You must confirm and thank.

Boss says to do something in the office? “Okay! I’ll get on that right away. Thank you.”
Need to print something? “Just did it, it’s waiting on the desk.”
Simply read an e-mail? “Okay, will do.”

At first, these e-mails seem like a cordial formality. But after the “No, thank YOU” e-mails go back and forth about four times, it gets annoying. Yes, I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing the way I’m supposed to be doing it. Yes, I read the e-mail. But the minute you forget to confirm, thank, and validate immediately, frantic communications will swarm at any hour of the day. Which is almost just as annoying as confirming in the first place. So just do yourself a favor and take two seconds to let your boss know you color-coded the sticky notes. You (and he) will thank me later.

2. Office chairs are never comfortable.

They might feel alright at first, but after about three hours, your lumbar will start to feel like that of a 90 year old, especially if you’re bent over a computer. No, it’s not big enough to find a comfortable sitting position. No, there are probably no other chairs you can use instead. At least you can take spin breaks like this guy (if you’re alone, of course).

3. Eat BEFORE the event.

“Oh! But there are going to be refreshments/hour d’oureves/snacks there!” No. Stop.
If the event is around any normal meal times and you don’t eat at least something, you’re going to be starving while simultaneously running around being your boss’s right-hand slave. But remember — those little baby shrimps with garnishes are for the guests, and there’s hardly enough to go around. Even if you are lucky enough to snag one of those little dohickies, you really don’t want to be that guy stuffing your face in the two free seconds you have before running off to your next task.

4. The real world is full of attractive, smart, beautiful people. And that’s kind of terrifying.

Every once in a while, you’ll encounter an attractive person. They might work with you. They might just be in the office for a meeting that day. They might be at an event or a friend of a friend of the guy who works at the catering company. But they exist and good grief are they distracting. Maybe you’ll see them as what you want your ideal partner to look like. Maybe you’ll just have a crazy fantasy that I don’t want to hear about. Maybe you’ll plan your life together and spend the next hour on pinterest picking out your wedding colors. All I know is that I was not at all prepared for the actuality of handsome, mature guys out there. And I had no idea how to interact with them.

(Side note: I still don’t.)

5. Never, ever, ever sacrifice comfort or functionality.

Yeah, those heels are fierce. But when you’re running to catch an elevator, walking long hallways, or running around the city, you’re going to be hating life. Same goes for clothes — with a full day of work, the last thing you want to be worrying about is something that fits too tight or looks weird or rides up around your butt. As for functionality, why make it harder on yourself? If you know you’re going to need pockets, wear something with freakin’ pockets. Carry a bag that can organize all your crap. Don’t forfeit your quality of work just to look “good” in that instant.

6. Know the hierarchy.

Nothing is more awkward in a workplace than someone who doesn’t get it. And by “it” I mean how things work and the delicate balance of power between all who work there. As important as it is to always do the absolute best you can and consistently overacheive, know your place in the system. And try not to disrupt it unless you’re certain it’s totally out of line. There have been people in that job before you, and there will be people there after you. So keep your head down, do your job, and read the people around you well. It may just come in handy.

7. Know your surroundings — both digital and physical.

Chances are, someone’s going to ask you to do something out of the ordinary. And you’re going to have to go out of your normal surroundings — whether it be the office, your apartment, or the comfort of your Gmail inbox — to address it. So, always be observant and take mental note of those things you might need in the future so you can be that amazing employee who knows where the nearest CVS is, which restaurants you can recommend if anybody asks, and generally sound cooler/more knowledgable than your friends. It also makes getting around a lot easier and will give you a better idea of locations and landmarks.

Part two of this lesson: know your websites, people. I wrote an article about this for a past internship. But seriously, in this digital age, there are a million resources simply a few keystrokes away. Try to stay up on the latest digital trends, especially as it pertrains to your field, as well as the top sites, tools, and apps that can help you be a better employee.

8. Develop your brand.

With the accessibility of graphic design, personal promotion, and social media out there, it doesn’t mean what field you’re working in. A consistent and sophisticated personal brand is necessary to stand out from the rest. A personal logo is up to you, but keeping design consistent with your style and professional goals can show both professionalism and an eye for detail. This translates to digital mediums, too; are you easy to find and recognize on social sites such as LinkedIn or Twitter that could foster important connections? More than likely, this will be many people’s first impression of you. You decide what you want to make it.

9. Don’t be unrealistic.

If you seriously don’t have the resources to complete a task, tell someone instead of stressing yourself out trying to make up for it. Already have seventeen projects going on? It’s probably not a great idea to take on another, regardless of how small or menial it might seem to you. No, you don’t have to respond to the not-urgent work e-mail you might get at 11 PM on a Friday night (unless, like I said, you confirm and thank, as mentioned in number one). We’re all people, and your boss will understand that. If you don’t draw the appropriate boundaries, you’ll almost inevitably drive yourself crazy. I know I did.

10. Just make it work.

Look at you — you landed an awesome job. You’re not totally useless. So actually use some of those skills you put on your resume and do what you’re there to do. There’s little problem solving and some creativity won’t take care of. After all the questions have been asked, people analyzed, and errands run, it comes down to you to *gasp* actually do your job. Be the independent, mature, and smart person you are, and get it done.