Letter To My Former Him
I wrote this on March 3rd, at 4am while I was suffering from insomnia. I deleted it at first because I was afraid I was being too open. But, now, I’m ok with that.
It’s been a while. I don’t think of you as often as I used to. Every now and then, you cross my mind. I know you’re doing well, so I won’t ask. I keep up with you from time to time. I guess that’s one of the few benefits of social media. I’m proud of you. Heading to your fourth year of med school. I wish I had your kind of focus and strength. I admire your determination so much.
Let me cut to the chase. Thank you for ending things with me. Thank you for not believing I changed a few years ago. Thank you for opening my eyes to the fact that the world doesn’t revolve around me. You forced me to grow. You left me in my own little world because my ego did not allow room for two in my heart. Our thing was centered around me and what I wanted. It focused on me and my selfishness, with a side of my immense trust issues. I was so used to always getting my way.
You’ve moved on to a beautiful young lady. I’m so happy that you’re with somebody that can love you the way I was ever afraid to even try. That will treat you like the amazing man you are. That will keep you smiling. I used to ask God to reunite us, but I grew over the years, and realize that maybe we weren’t meant to be. And that’s ok. It’s not everybody that you come across that’s meant to be your soul mate. I stopped praying for an us & just started asking God to bless you and protect you.
You may not know it, but you inspire me to be greater. You inspire me to work hard. You make life look so easy.
Despite the past, I wish we were still friends. You were my best friend. You were the only person I’ve ever dated that cared about me more than I cared about myself. You knew me, and every inch of my body; inside and out. You fixed me. You don’t know it but you slowly but surely helped me put the pieces of myself back together. My self esteem was so nonexistent, yet you embraced me like the most beautiful girl in the world. How? I asked myself how….all the time. How did God place such an amazing blessing like you in my life & how was I so unappreciative…. I don’t wish to go back in time and change things. Bc of you I learned how to be a better me. It took some years, but it worked.
And I thank you.