I spent a long time creating a persona based on what I thought people wanted me to be. When I people I respected demonstrated those traits I used that to validate myself. Talk about confirmation bias. I never looked at them as the whole people that they are.
What I ended up as was a drunken A-Type personality that judged the fuck out of everyone else and pretended I didn’t hate myself.
It turns out I’m sensitive and love to write. I also love being sober.
I got tired of being someone I knew I wasn’t. I felt naked and exposed when I got called out on all the lies I was telling to myself and others. I surrendered and admitted to myself and my wife that I wanted something different.
I wanted to be free and happy and sober and live a beautiful life. Once I screwed up the courage to make myself vulnerable my life changed in amazing ways that I never imagined.
When I laid down my shield I became invincible.
Thank you for your post.