Marriage-Focused Counselling: A Guide to Choosing The Right Counsellor
Marriage counselling allows some couples to seek help to resolve their issues and improve their relationship. However, not all marriage counsellors are created equal, and finding the right one can make all the difference. Choosing the right counsellor is crucial in saving your marriage, and choosing the wrong one can have devastating consequences. In this article, we’ll discuss the importance of choosing a counsellor who sees the marriage as the client, and we’ll explore the benefits of working with a counsellor.
When Counselling is Needed
Although counselling is not the solution to all marital problems, it can be beneficial when couples struggle with issues such as communication, infidelity, trust, and intimacy. Furthermore, counselling can be helpful when couples feel stuck and need guidance on working through their challenges and moving forward in their relationship.
Who is the Client?
Before working with them, one of the most important questions to ask a marriage counsellor is who they see as the client. Some counsellors may see the husband or wife as the client, while others may see the marriage as the client. Choosing a counsellor who sees the marriage as the client is crucial, as this approach can help bring the couple together rather than pulling them apart.
You can also seek recommendations from people who have had successful marriages and had a great experience using a counsellor.
Once you have found a potential counsellor, schedule a five to ten-minute meeting to ask essential questions such as what they believe about marriage, when they believe a couple should get divorced, and if they are willing to help you save your marriage, even if your spouse wants out.
Why Choose a Counselor Who Sees the Marriage as the Client?
When a counsellor sees the marriage as the client, they focus on the relationship as a whole rather than individual needs and wants.
This approach can be beneficial when dealing with issues arising from conflicting values, priorities, or expectations. By working together, couples can identify the root causes of their problems and develop practical and effective solutions that benefit both partners.
Furthermore, a counsellor who sees the marriage as the client is less likely to recommend divorce as a solution. While divorce may be the right choice for some couples, it should not be the default option. Instead, a counsellor who is committed to saving the marriage will work with the couple to overcome their challenges and build a stronger, healthier relationship.
Different Types of Counsellors and Therapists
- USA
There are different types of counsellors and therapists. Counsellors typically have a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) degree and are trained to help individuals. In contrast, Marriage and Family Therapists (MFT) focus on seeing individuals as part of a more extensive system, a family unit. It is important to understand the difference between the modalities behind the two types of counsellors and therapists. - UK
In the UK, there are different types of counsellors and therapists available. Counsellors typically have a diploma or degree in counselling or psychotherapy and are trained to help individuals. In contrast, Family and Systemic Psychotherapists (FSP) focus on seeing individuals as part of a larger system, such as a family or relationship unit. The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) trains counsellors and psychotherapists and the United Kingdom Council for Psychotherapy (UKCP) trains psychotherapists. It is essential to understand the difference between the modalities behind the two types of counsellors and therapists in order to choose the right one for your needs.
And the same applies to counsellors in other countries.
Different Modalities of Therapy
There are various therapy modalities, such as emotionally focused, behavioural, cognitive, and many more. Counsellors and therapists use a combination of these modalities. It can be challenging to know which modality is best for a specific situation. Still, it is critical to ask about the therapist’s background and insight into the types of therapy they use.
Counselling is Not Perfect
Counselling and therapy are not perfect solutions. While counselling can be helpful in some situations, it is not a magic pill that will solve all problems. Counsellors and therapists are not there to fix everything but rather to guide couples through their problems. Having realistic expectations of counselling and viewing it as a tool to help couples work through their issues is essential.
Sometimes, people believe that their spouse needs counselling and that is the solution to their marital problems. However, this may not always be the case. In fact, it can make things worse, causing the other person to become defensive and potentially damaging the marriage further. The key is finding a counsellor who shares your beliefs and values about marriage and is open and honest about their experience and ability to help you move forward.
Alternatives to Counselling
There are other alternatives to counselling, such as coaching, workshops, and online courses. These resources can help couples work through their problems and learn new ways to communicate and connect with each other. Read our story “Stop Leaving Your Marriage to Chance: The Resources You Need to Build a Strong Relationship” for some guidance and tips.
Conclusion:
Choosing the right marriage counsellor is essential for couples seeking to improve or work through issues in their marriage. By selecting a counsellor who sees the marriage as the client, couples can work together to overcome their challenges and build a stronger, healthier relationship. Remember, divorce should not be the default option, and with the right support, most marriages can be saved.
Bible Ref:
“Where there is no [wise, intelligent] guidance, the people fall [and go off course like a ship without a helm], But in the abundance of [wise and godly] counsellors there is victory.”
Proverbs 11:14 (AMP)
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