Ache

27. 12. 2015

Let’s begin with the broken promise. I broke my promise last week and the week before, that I am going to write at least 2 times a week. I am sorry.

It’s true, eternal sorrow is better than eternal happiness. Why? Well first think for yourself, than read on.

In sorrow you know what you had and have,and you are excepting what you have is precious, but in happiness you forget what you had and have, you just want more and more and more, till your mind implodes. And you are back at the beginning.

This whole thing being said. I hate myself. I hate my laziness, I hate my attitude, I hate my negative personality, I hate my chunkiness, I hate my gluttony, I hate my involvement with myself or my so called selfishness, I hate to lie to my parents about college, I hate my nail and finger skin biting stress habit, I hate my lack of interest in anything, I hate my poor teeth condition, I hate my biting of the lip till blood comes out, I hate my lack of showing emotions, I hate that I don’t feel anything but sorrow, I hate my self pity,…

I could go on and on, but I can’t right now. I just want a wake up call from a complete stranger. She or he could asses my situation and tell me if I am already a lost cause.

I will just be here, breathing, and do what I do best, hide from the world and my problems.

P.S. My antidepressants aren’t really working. I actually don’t know if they even worked before.

P.P.S. I just want to hug my dad.