Allies, black women don’t need you to agree with how we do this work

If you withdraw your support, your allyship was trash anyway.

Lecia Michelle 📃
May 4 · 3 min read

I’m disgusted by the way white women who claim to be allies try black women on like we’re clothing. If we’re in any way too tight or too loose, they move on to a black woman who is a better fit for them. They gleefully tell all their white women friends why they’ve withdrawn their allyship from that black woman in favor of another black woman — or of none of us. They encourage them to do the same thing.

Yes, this trash happens. It’s happened to me several times, and I’m sure many black women activists can relate. When white women really must choose whether to discard white supremacy or keep it comfortably in place, guess what they choose? For the record, if you decide you know better than a black woman what our activism looks like, you need to move on with your harmful racist opinions. That’s right. You’re a racist. Deal with it.

The moment you open your mouth to disparage us because our choices wouldn’t be your choices, you’re no better than the white people you claim you’re helping us fight. I’m not interested in your allyship, friendship, or acquaintanceship if it’s conditional upon whether you agree with my decisions. I’m a grown woman, and I’ve been black my whole entire life. I don’t need you second-guessing me.

While you’re at it, stop calling yourself an ally. You’re the furthest thing from one.

I’m sick of white women who stop doing the work because, in their eyes, a black woman has somehow failed them. Do you honestly think your opinion on our blackness and how we run our lives matters to us?

How sway, white women.

You harm a black woman and convince yourself that that black woman isn’t worthy of respect. Besides, you’re supporting another black woman. It’s like we’re interchangeable — we’re all alike anyway, right?

This raggedy behavior is why black women don’t deal with most of you. We can’t trust you. I’m over here trying to teach you all how to be allies. As I’m giving you my free labor, you’re talking shit as if you know me.

You don’t know me. But I know you.

If you take issue with this work and how a black woman does that work, that’s your problem. If your solution is to attempt to pit us against each other as if we’re vying for the position of your favorite child, you’re kidding yourselves. Black women aren’t looking for approval from you. We’ve never sought that, and we never will. We’re not children, and you all need to stop acting like we are.

We do this work because we’re trying to bring about real change. If you’re in this for any other reason — and I mean ANY. OTHER. REASON — get out. Leave and never come back.

Your shitty allyship is not wanted or needed here. Are you wondering whether I’m talking about you? Rest assured, I probably am.

Follow me on Twitter: @LeciaMichelle

Lecia Michelle 📃

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I'm a black woman, a writer, poet and activist. I hope to one day put my stories into a book. Twitter:@LeciaMichelle