I spent MLK day fighting with an “ally” about my Trump headline

I will never waste my time again.

Becky Jolene took issue with this: “White people will never turn their backs on Trump.”

A bit of background. I’m in several online social justice groups. I posted my article in a large nationwide group, and people had lots of questions. Most of them included talking to family and friends who are Trump supporters and how they can be better allies to people of color.

Then Becky Jolene jumped. For the rest of the day, this was the conversation:

Becky Jolene: It’s not all white people. You need to change your headline.
Me: If you’ve turned your back on Trump, the article isn’t about you.
Becky Jolene: I’m trying to help you. You’re going to lose allies.
Me: The headline is fine, and the article has been well-received. Just do the work and don’t tone-police my words.
Becky Jolene: I’m not tone-policing you. Just change the headline.
Me: I heard you. I’m not changing the headline. You need to move on.
Becky Jolene: It’s okay if you don’t change the headline. But you really need to change it.
Me: For the millionth time, I’m not changing it. Do the work and stop trying to tone-police and silence a woman of color. Do better.
Becky Jolene: Why are you getting so angry? You just need to change the headline.


Now, I know Becky Jolene isn’t special. There are many self-described “allies” who do this. They tone-police all in the name of helping people of color. So I’m going to share the same wisdom here I tried to instill in ol’ Beckster yesterday.

If you start any conversation with #NotAllWhitePeople, whatever follows is a load of crap. This is Allyship 101 stuff here. Real allies don’t ever form their mouths to say #NotAllWhitePeople because they already know I’m not talking about every white person on the planet. They also know this is deflecting, defensive bullshit.

If you insist on trying to “help” me when I didn’t ask for your help and I specifically told you I wasn’t taking your shitty advice, then move on. Learn and do better. I wrote the piece, and I stand by every word — including the headline. If you choose to spend damn near eight hours explaining why I’m wrong about my article, you’re not an ally. You’re a white supremacist in some raggedly-ass ally clothing.

If you call me angry and divisive… *sigh* again Allyship 101. I wasn’t angry, Becky. I was annoyed that, instead of spending my time answering real questions, I had to deal with your dumbass. At least three real allies tried to explain the error of your ways, but no. You kept circling back to how I needed to do what you said. Somehow you knew better. This is textbook white supremacy in action. The headline isn’t divisive. If white people like you believe I’m talking about all white people, it’s all good. That tells me two things: Your reading comprehension skills are lacking, and you’re a fake ally.

If you tell me I’ll lose allies like you, you’re not an ally in the first place. You believe holding your allyship over my head like a carrot I have to jump for is okay. You believe I have to earn your allyship. But here’s the thing, Becky Jolene. You have to earn the title of ally. You don’t call yourself an ally. That’s a title people of color give you for doing the work. That work doesn’t include tone-policing and silencing us.

I told you to do the work more than once. You just couldn’t let it go. So you wished me a good day and left the conversation. This is a tell-tell sign of a fake ally. You’re one of those white people who think you have nothing to learn about racism. You’re actually here to teach me — as if I don’t know enough about racism by simply being black.

So, Becky Jolene, seek out some white allies who can help you. In classic form, you made it obvious there was nothing I could teach you. Several allies offered to work with you, and you turned them all down. At this point, I have nothing left for you. You wasted hours of my time I’ll never get back. I won’t be doing that again. So take your fake allyship and your pink pussy hat (because I’m sure you have one) and get out of the way of people really interested in fighting racism.