#MuteRKelly: THE FACE OF CHILD PORNOGRAPHY
The shoot was fine, until I found myself lying down, with my pubescent, 17 year old t*ts, p*ssy and ass assaulted thru the lens of a 35mm camera.
This was 1989, East Cleveland, Ohio.

Kenyette [Tish], are you a model?
This is a question that at least 5 times a week enters into a conversation. Despite the fact that I have damn-near Mensa-level intellect, a chess-player, and have my grandmother’s gift of clairsentience, my physical appearance tends to be the first line to compliment for most. To answer the question: Yes. I have 93% facial symmetry, I’m 5'6" with 34" legs (flat-footed), my weight has never exceeded 130lbs (except during pregnancy), and other than a minor malocclusion of my bottom teeth and some stretchmarks from my babies (all of which I hold as a badge of honor and will never seek to change), I pretty much have been kissed by the “genetic gods”… I get it. I recognize this “privilege.” I own it.
I also have unfortunately, had to own the predatory and sexual exploitation, that comes along with “pretty privilege.”
Yes, I was a model. I am also a survivor of child pornography.
To be careful not to trigger nor titillate, I’ll just keep this in brief bullet points.
1- I was 17. A senior at the Cleveland School of the Arts.
2- I met a photographer, and went to his studio for “senior pictures.”
3- I brought a series of outfits, including my cap and gown, a formal gown and a swimsuit. I was going to use the pics to build my portfolio (remember, I was a model).
4- I took about 100+ shots. About half were in the three outfits I bought.
5- The rest were in a tuxedo jacket, bow tie and cummerbund, and sex toys, owned by the photographer/child pornographer.
TRIGGER ALERT: Child Sexual Exploitation.
I have to remember that the details of this, are cathartic and relevant to my current work with the #MuteRKelly campaign. I also will respect the sensitivity of my parents’ need to process this information. I also recognize that there are readers of this blog for whom, the story of child sexual assault is pathologically arousing. Hence, comments on this post will be monitored.
The photoshoot took place over a 2 hour period. The beginning shots, were pretty routine and non-eventful. In retrospect, I believed he was bored. And quickly moved from one outfit to the next. After I was done with the final outfit (a one piece swimsuit and fur coat), he gave me the suit jacket and accessories to put on. I also changed in the studio, with him watching.
The first set of shots where of me simply posing.
The second were of my bare breasts.
The rest were of me in various sexualized positions with my genitals exposed, masturbating with my fingers and sex toys.
During the shoot, I recalled him having an erection and frequently emitting “moans” as I posed. And at one time as he “posed me” (which is very common in photography) he touched, my breasts.
sigh….
At some point, in my 17 year old, precocious mind, I knew something was wrong. But simply got up, dressed and left. The bus ride home seemed like days. I replayed the shoot the entire time. “Am I over-reacting?” “He did say I was more ‘mature’ than the ‘OTHER GIRLS’. WHAT DID THAT MEAN?”
And why do I feel so violated?
When the proofs were avail, HALF WERE MISSING.
The ones of me nude and exposed. That’s when I knew. In that space, I knew. This wasn’t a “photoshoot.” This was porn! And I was a child.
I’d only at that time watched porn about 2 times. Some VHS tapes of Vanessa Del Rio found in my father’s basement collection. She was beautiful and powerful. And sexual. Yet she always seemed to be in control of her agency at all times. I tried to emulate her. But even then, I felt affected and vulnerable. In retrospect, this was all a mess. And for a very long time, I believed that it was all my fault. That’s the shitty part about sexual exploitation, in order for it to work: YOU HAVE TO CONVINCE THE TARGET THAT THEY 1) DESERVED IT, 2) HAD THE POWER TO STOP IT. And by extension if it happened it was supposed to, or the target wanted it to. It’s all fucked up mindfuckery, that has resulted in generations of Black women hating themselves for being born female.
I told my mother about a month ago for the first time in about 30 years. Her response was protective and she stated, “YOU GOTTA FIND THOSE PICTURES!”
But how? And did he even give me the right name? And is the studio even still there? And was he renting the space? And what if I find them? The Statute of Limitation on child pornography in Ohio will render my claim pointless. So many questions…
So yes, there are about 50+ pics of 17 yo, sexually exposed Kenyette, that I have NO IDEA where they are.
Pictures that currently exist in a photo album in the basement of some murky corner of a pedophile’s collection. As I’m sure I’m not the only one.
I have gone to the Ohio Department of Corrections site and Googled cases of child pornography, to see if I can get a glimpse of who he might be. He was probably my age now, so he would be well into his 70s or dead.
But that doesn’t matter for me. What’s done is done. I put it behind me. I “owned it”, I dealt with the accusing and shaming of “looking like a slut” ,because “some”of the less racy pics were included in the proofs that my parents saw (that’s a WHOLE OTHER STORY about how Black girls are often shamed for their exploitation, by the VERY PEOPLE WHO ARE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT THEM).
And so I’m here.
And in this space, making sure that the culture of sexual exploitation no longer lives in the shadows…..
And this is why I am dedicated to #MuteRKelly.
