Unexpected Joy of Being Oblivious

The Bliss (I guess) of Not Having a Clue About Anything

It’s not that I’m scared where I’m going with this; instead, I’m scared where I’ll end up. Well, here goes.

Third grade. I wrote some comics. Heh heh. A damn comic strip. Man but I enjoyed that so much. Am I the only one here who finds it ridiculously difficult to write without swearing repeatedly? Holy moly what is this playlist! I just searched up “chill” on Soundcloud and then played the first one. Looking for inspiration on music to write? Yeah but I wasn’t expecting anything like this. Good unexpected or bad unexpected? I don’t really know… I guess a bit of both ya know? I mean I’m calm right now, no doubt about it. But I’m not sure if I want to be chill while writing. I just normally play a chill playlist while writing. Yeah but normally you’re writing some essay about the nihilism of the dragon from Beowulf. Wait wait wait… repeat that last part again. Essay about the nihilism of the dragon fr — that’s it! I’m very, very confused. Nihilism of the Dragon! It’s a pretty good band name. I mean it’s not as good as Avenged Sevenfold or Nirvana but sure man. Whatever floats your boat. I don’t really know about that music taste. I prefer laying back and listening to some sweet and sexy B. B. King. Holy moly man you’re a teenager get up and listen to something a little more crazy and reckless! Yeah but that’s what everyone kinda expects me to listen to. Well that and Nicki Minaj but there’s no way I’m listening to that. Let’s be real here that chick’s butt is bigger than our future. Yeah no kidding that thing has its own zip code damn! Oh the World Trade Center had its own zip code too. Yeah I read a question about that today. Damn packet didn’t even mention the events of 9/11. Kinda weird isn’t it? What is? Nothing it’s just that we view people from the past with a weird combination of awe and disgust, yet we are so much more inhuman than that. Yeah I guess…all these attacks on civilians. I mean, who needs an army anymore when you can just drop bombs on cities and win wars. Death of the warrior. You remember reading all those documents in AP World History talking about the glory involved in fighting? Yeah except nowadays, the only thing soldiers bring back from wars is PTSD. Yeah or a coffin. Damn son, that’s bleak. Well correct me if I’m wrong, but everything seems like it’s going to hell. I can refer you to a good therapist. No but seriously! Every history book I read as a kid cited that one of the main reasons World War I grew so big was because so many treaties and alliances were established that the assassination of some future king set off one of the most insane set of decades in human history! Yeah and now look at this. ISIS says that Turkey is helping them, Russia says they’re bombing ISIS but they jury’s still out on that one, and the U.S. and Russia have different opinions on who should rule Syria! America… we bring freedom to every country, but only the ones that have oil. HAHA yo remember that one meme we saw yesterday? Oh yeah that one which had that really mean British chef dude yelling at someone else saying “This dish is so oily America’s trying to invade it!” Why do you think people started using memes? The hell do I know about how people work I’m supposed to be some kind of science dude since when was dealing with people a requirement? Why are you salty all of a sudden? Man I don’t know maybe you’re just putting me off shut up! WOAH woah there easy there tiger. Dude just leave for a bit I need to be alone for a bit. Alright alright I’m just gonna hide — man I don’t know where to go. Just go downstairs and stay in that cupboard with the candies. Damn that’s a good idea. There better be some Jolly Ranchers in there! What kind of a name is Jolly Rancher?

“We are not going in circles, we are going upwards. The path is a spiral; we have already climbed many steps.” — Hesse’s novel Siddhartha

Truth be told, I didn’t know where I was going with this. Hell I still don’t know. Do any of us know where we’re going? I’ve grown up in what you can call a kind of pressured environment: ideally, I need to have everything for the rest of my life planned out right now (just turned sixteen by the way). But then again, Foggy Nelson was supposed to be a damn butcher, but instead, with Matthew Murdock, he became the best avocado in New York City (so sorry if you don’t get that reference). Before I go off on another tangent, I guess I should say what I’m trying to get at. Much like my thoughts, I don’t know where I’m going. I started talking about writing comics in third grade then moved to some playlist I was listening to and voila now I’m talking about candy in a cupboard yay yipee!

Sometimes, I get terrified. On the outside, I pretend like I’m confident with what I’m doing, where I’m going (no not in the physical sense you dummy). I walk around with an air of confidence, raise my chin up high and affirm that what I’m doing is right. But… I’m frightened. Scared that in twenty years, I could be the CEO of some giant company or living a normal life in the suburbs of New York City or London. Afraid that some thirty or forty years after I die, no one will remember me —my only contribution to the world will be some statistic in a history book.

It’s not that I’m scared where I’m going with this; instead, I’m scared where I’ll end up. Well, here goes.