Stories We Tell Ourselves- Asking and Rejection
Miracles can come from rejection. It is no secret that my mother’s body rejected the implanted IDU, put there to avoid further pregnancies, simply in effort to create me. Miracle. This is I in my most humble form.
One of the biggest hurdles we face in life and leading a successful one is the dealing with the mind and the story we tell ourselves. If we keep telling ourselves that we are not good enough to get that job, date that person, climb that mountain most likely this will resinate true.
Two important skills to master in life are asking for what we want, and the ability to handle and move on from rejection. If we do we will move more quickly towards success. The challenge we face is that too often do we tell ourselves a story, which consequently stops us from asking or moving on after we receive rejection.
Take out a piece of paper and write down 5 or 10 things you really want and have avoided asking for. This could be a promotion, a raise, and girl on a date, a sale, someone for some help. Write it down. Keep writing until you have them all out. You may have more than five you may not it doesn’t matter.
Now you have your list look it over and try number them from 1 being the most important and so on until you reach the higher number of least importance. Now that you have your most important go out there and ask for it. Make no excuses, don’t procrastinate and worse of all don’t tell yourself a story that simple is not true.
If you’re a procrastinator like most of us then not to worry, plan to ask. Do not put of starting for too long. Like most of us when setting out on a new goal we wait until a best date, usually many of us start things new years day. Probably not a worse time for this as there is simply to many things going on at that time so distractions and obstacles a rife. And the other occurrence is that there is always something or some reason to put it off another day. So just make a day and stick to it.
Usually with procrastination especially on the things that mean the most to you, which I assume is the number one thing from the list you created, it is better to just get it done. As Brian Tracy highlights very well in his book “Eat That Frog”. http://thehiddenwhy.com/bookrevieweatthatfrog.html
So why do we avoid asking? Usually it all boils down to fear. Fear of ‘rejection’, fear of failure, fear of embracement, fear of loss, fear of death, fear, fear, fear. So next thing, on the list you created, writing down your fears next to each of your wants. This will make you think about what it is exactly stopping you from asking. You may have a few things.
Now next to that write what it will cost you if you don’t ask. This is important. The truth is that the cost of not asking is probably more real than that fear that plays in your head about what will happen if you do ask.
If you don’t ask for that time off you will probably miss out on going to that event. If you don’t ask for that promotion the other guy may get it. If you don’t ask for the front seat, near the window over looking the water, you may just get the seat in the back dark corner. If you don’t ask that girl out for a date it will just eat away at you and become an obsession, which I know can waste countless amounts of energy.
If we simple just get in the habit of asking we will build a tolerance up in regards to these fears and asking will become a skill of yours. If you just started today off with three things you are going to ask for and you do it do you think you will be in a better position tomorrow to ask for another 3 things? I would say yes, practice makes perfect.
If you don’t ask you will be without and probably struggle with regret. If you do ask you will be with or perhaps you will be without but at least you asked. You also when asking and not getting the desired outcome learn how to perhaps approach it differently next time. This is crucial as you learn you become a greater asker.
Do not go into a situation with a story in your head that you are going to get a ‘NO’. Go into it positively and with the exact outcome you desire. This is proven a much better way to get the things you want. It you go in with the wrong focus you will probably get the wrong outcome. If you go in with a level of doubt this will show when asking and again probably not get the desired outcome.
The fear that holds us back the most is the fear of rejection, the fear of ‘no’. This is usually the story we tell ourselves. The best way to look at this is that whenever the outcome is ‘no’ we are truly in no worse a position.
If you ask for the pay raise and get a no well guess what you are still on the same stand. If you ask for a discount for the car service and get a no well guess what you are still in the same position to pay what you otherwise would have anyway. If that girl says no to you on a date well you can be assured if you hadn’t asked you would still not be going on that date. Do not take no personally it is usually never anything to do with you and all your beauty and skill.
Recently James Altucher talks with a guest about actually going out of your way to ask for a discount. Like the next time you order your coffee ask for a discount. You may get it you may not. But the purpose is in the practice of asking and handling the outcome. Do this whenever you get the chance and you may just surprise yourself.
I spend a serious amount of time calling people being in a sales roll. I would probably experience 30 to 50 rejections a day. But for every rejection I get I am that step closer to getting the desired outcome. In my field a ‘no’ is not personal but usually indicates a ‘no- not ready right now’. The other great thing is that a rejection is no longer something that I am fearful of. It is something that is bound to happen. The best thing I can do now when I get a no is try make a connection and see if I can offer any value even though they are not in a position now. The building of relationships and rapport that is ongoing is priceless.
If you ask for a discount on your coffee today and get a no this shouldn’t stop you from asking again tomorrow at the exact same place and to the exact same person. I am sure you will get a yes at some stage.
So when it comes to asking a question for something, anything you want or desire go out there and do it. Do not tell yourself a story that you cannot or will not get it. Do not tell yourself you are not good enough. Do not let the fear of rejection stop you.
If you avoid asking for what you want due to self doubt you are missing out on potential opportunities. If only I had better word processing skills, if only I had a better relationship with the boss, if only I had less weight and were blond, if only…. These are just stories we tell ourselves to avoid rejection. This is natural because our minds are there to help us avoid danger, death. Most of what we wish to ask for these days however will not lead us to any danger.
The truth is that you cannot see into the future of what will happen. You cannot read the minds of others. So why get wound up and fearful of what you cannot foresee? All you can do it control what you can control. And that will be what you tell yourself, your attitude, your approach and how you respond to the outcome. And there is a difference between reacting and responding.
So get out there and start asking for what you want. Face the possibility of rejection as a game. Have some fun. And know the successful people are the greatest at just asking and probably thrive on rejection.
“If you aren’t getting rejected on a daily basis than your goals aren’t big enough” Chris Dixon
“A rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success”. Bo Bennett
A rejection can be our greatest learning and can also be sign that we are moving in the wrong direction.
I have be fired from jobs and applied for others that I have missed but I am now in fantastic job, which provides me with freedom and income. Rejected and happy for it. — See more at: http://www.thehiddenwhy.com/thestorywetellourselves2.html#sthash.z1jciSHf.dpuf
For more inspiration and thought provoking content to help you live the life you love please check out www.thehiddenwhy.com Inspiring millions to unlock their authentic-self to assist them in living with more happiness, success & the life they truly desire.