It’s insane to have to talk about this in the year of our lorb 2019, but here we are. People are still out here putting together presentations that are utterly ineffectual and — more importantly — make my heart hurt.

You don’t have to be a designer to make a decent presentation. You just need to embrace minimalism and try to follow as many of these rules as you can:

Content:

  1. Don’t put the things you’re saying verbatim on the slide. Doing that eliminates the need to be there in person. …

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The internet has been aflutter with outrage about this article, and when it comes to outrage I hate to be left out, so I dug out my pitchfork (just kidding — it was readily accessible from recent use) and joined in.

It took me several paragraphs of waiting for the punchline to realize that this is not, in fact, satire. The easy answer to this question is actually DON’T DO IT EVER AT ALL NEVER EVER, but let’s dig deeper.

What to Do to Get Her Attention

1. Stand in front of her (with 1 to 1.5 meters between you).

1. Place yourself directly in her path, so that she feels like she has no escape. Stand close enough to breathe on her. Let her take in your pheromones.

2. Have a confident, easy-going smile.

2. Leer. Like, a lot. Form your lips into an uneasy grimace.

3. If she hasn’t already looked up at you, simply get her attention with a wave of your hand. Wave your hand in her direct line of vision so she can see it. …

About

Leigh Peterson

Apocalypse enthusiast.

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