Unsubscribing To Self-Betrayal

Whether we are aware of it or not, as humans we often find ourselves in situations where we go against what is faithful to our souls. We tend to sacrifice our authenticity in many different aspects of relationships. The decision of choosing what is right for us Vs. What makes us more likable puts us at constant odds with ourselves. This level of self-betrayal impacts truth of how we show up in friendships, romantic relationships, and our working relationships, because somewhere within our being we continue to struggle with honoring the truth within us. So instead of showing up at a place that commands our authenticity, we settle for showing up as the side of ourselves that is deemed likable by others. We ignore our truth because we want to be accepted.
 If you look back on your time in middle school or high-school, we all understood and felt the pressure of what it meant to be liked by our peers. To be “liked” meant you were valuable, and unfortunately today, the need to be liked and accepted has managed to toxically leech its way into our adult lives causing us to dishonor ourselves by going against our truth, leading us to betray what is real to us and ultimately, our souls.

This poem looks at how self-betrayal showed into my adult before I learned the lessons that taught me how to no longer dishonour and betray what is true to me:

Today I had a conversation with someone about self-betrayal, they asked me what does it mean to me and how I’ve dishonored myself in the process of trying to figure out life. I explained to him that self-betrayal for me was every time I tried to throw myself into oceans on days when I didn’t know how to swim. I told him that self-betrayal was every time I heard the universe whisper directions, but I didn’t listen. I said it was present every time I left when I needed to stay just a little longer. Every time I stayed when I needed to leave a little faster. I told him self-betrayal for me has been whenever I looked at someone else’s needs with compassionate eyes but showed up stenching in judgment and shame for having mine. I explained to him that self-betrayal for me, is recognizing the flaws within myself, seeing how detrimental they are to my growth, but downplaying how much they are suffocating the radiance of my blooming. I told him that self-betrayal for me was every time I ran without spending enough time to uncover the lessons. I said to him self-betrayal is every time I let my heart run shit without ever consulting with the deep knowing within my gut. Self- betrayal was every time I’ve been hard on myself. Every time I’ve refused to forgive myself. Every time I held on to pain for too long, every time I didn’t reshape myself after being twisted by it. Every time I needed to say yes when I said no. Every time I needed to pause, but I rushed. Every time I needed to say no, but instead, I said “I don’t know” or “maybe.” whenever I felt my inside telling me this is self-betrayal but I said No, then listened to the stubborn parts of me.”

We may or may not have betrayed ourselves in the same way, but we all have betrayed ourselves to some degree, but moving forward I challenge you to join me on the self-honouring journey that leaves no room for self-betrayal.

Affirmation: Today I embrace self-honor as I let go of self-betrayal.