A Love Letter to Tortillas

So, toast is a staple breakfast for a lot of folks. You buy bread, you own a toaster, you make toast. There’s spreads to put on top if you’re adventurous.

Here’s why I switched to tortillas AKA Toast 2.0:

1. You don’t need a toaster. This is an appliance a lot of people have in their house solely to make one kind of food! Other than coffee machines, like, what kind of acolyte devotion must you have to give up that much counter space and visual noise to mere toast. On the other hand, tortillas are cooked (much quicker, I might add) in the microwave, which is an appliance that is multi-functional. 20 seconds are you’re good to go!
2. Toast is crumby. You can’t really pick it up and eat it away from a plate without leaving trails behind you / all over your house and car. This is bad food design. Tortillas, on the other hand, do not crumb.
3. It’s denser AND cheaper. Calorie per dollar, calorie per volume / bite, tortillas are an easier, better food. Why spend more money on the same amount of energy? Get more calories in an easier format.
4. It’s healthier in the sense of: bread usually has a shocking amount of sugar in it and tortillas have less. They have more fats, which is actually good. I’ll take fat over sugar any day. This helps you feel fuller and is a nicer macronutrient profile.
5. Did I mention they’re cheaper?
6. You can use them for more cooking. To be fair, breads are awfully multi-purpose in this sense too, but above the usual sandwich vs. wrap debate, the ability to make fajitas and tacos and use them for hot dogs or sausage rolls is awfully convenient.
7. They freeze better. This is subjective since some people freeze bread and insist it’s just as good (they’re wrong) but tortillas really do freeze and unfreeze without really any difference.
8. They don’t mold. Well, mostly. They do keep longer and just sort of dry out rather than spot up green like the back end of your bakery loaves (Wonderbread isn’t real bread, y’all) which makes them easier to keep around and the consequences less disgusting.
9. Use more spreads. In addition to the usual peanut butter and jam affair, tortillas can be made savoury with ketchup or ranch which is something I’m into because again, fats against sugars (ketchup is sugary, it’s basically tomato jam, but ranch is almost all fat).
10. Did I mention they’re cheaper? Seriously. If nothing else.

The moral is, toast is a bad food and doesn’t deserve your attention. Toasters are 99% useless appliances and needn’t be so demanding of your house space. It’s just clutter that costs more, takes more time and creates a dumb, crumby, inferior food.

So go out and buy some tortillas today!