As I sit here writing my college essay I realize that telling my story is both emotional and eye-opening, because my story is one of overcoming personal failure and ultimately learning from it. Through this process of reflection, I’ve discovered that I place significant value in being “independent” and I’ve grown through my journey in discovering what independence truly means to me. As a young child, I yearned to become an independent woman, however, at the time I may not have been able to explain what this meant. My mother’s experiences throughout my childhood helped me discover what I believe to be true independence.

Growing up, divorce was common. In fact, it seemed as repetitive and expectant as the tax season. However, it wasn’t until Mami’s divorce that I began to see, firsthand, the harsh effects it can have on a family. It was extremely hard for Mami to get back on her feet during this time. We had everlasting debts, barely had enough money for food, and were close to losing our home. While it was difficult to witness Mami struggling, I couldn’t help but also be angry. She had depended entirely on this man to support her both financially and emotionally. Without him, she struggled to maintain a stable environment for my brother and me. It was at this point that I promised myself that I would never let anyone or anything take over my life. I wanted to control my own life.

However, as the years passed, I slowly began to give up this control through a series of failed relationships. In my constant judging of Mami, I overlooked the fact that I was also looking for happiness through relationships rather than from within myself. My early high school career consisted of searching for love in hopes of finding myself within it. It wasn’t until later that I began to realize that none of the relationships I was involved in were bringing me happiness, they were only distractions.

I then began reflecting on my life. However, all I knew was that I wanted to change for the better, and I was clueless as to the next step. All I did know was that I needed a way out of the destructive cycle. Then, a teacher at my school suggested that I join a youth group. In my state of desperation, I agreed, and although I never fully engaged in the group, through the nurturing and care of that teacher I began to question possible sources of my unhappiness.

During the summer before junior year, I travelled to the Dominican Republic to visit my father and grandmother. While there I focused my attention on my relationship with my father, thinking that the distance between us may have caused some of my discontent. Without realizing it, I was again focusing my energy on an external relationship, looking for answers in someone else. At the same time my grandmother showered me with affection. Throughout my entire life, Guela motivated and believed in me. She loved me for being me and she bragged to all of her friends about my accomplishments. Her love was unconditional.

Shortly after returning home, I received the news that Guela had passed away. Shocked. Distraught. I soon realized that Guela’s passing provided me with the clarity that I’d long been searching for. Her passing gave me the strength to believe in myself. Since birth, she loved and respected me as I was, I never had to put up an act. Through losing her, I finally acknowledged the strength and beauty within me that she’d always seen. I realized I could be an independent woman. I didn’t need to rely on others for happiness or security, I could instead look within myself.