The Moment I Realized I’m Not Ready To Be An Entrepreneur
Nearly 4 years ago I decided to give up on college and my current career path. I felt lost and during that time I discovered The 4-Hour Workweek, and decided that my life path was to become an entrepreneur. I finally quit my job 4 months ago, and now I have come to the conclusion that I’m just not ready for the life of an entrepreneur just yet.
This came to me this morning when I woke up depressed yet again, struggling to find purpose in life, struggling to feel the warmth of the day even though it was well over 90 degrees in the sun. This wasn’t the first or even the fifth such morning in the last 4 months… and I was tired of feeling like it.
I was tired of having to purpose, of not being able to make any money, of my life just being a constant struggle, no matter how many “self-help” or “personal development” books I read or motivational videos I watched… Life is just too hard, and how am I supposed to be here for another 70-ish years, struggling and without purpose?
So I thought to myself, what would it matter then, if I wasn’t here anymore? What would it matter if I continued to be on this planet? I could finally stop struggling, I could finally stop being so goddamn unhappy.
As I laid on the floor of my apartment, staring at the knife, knowing what I could do with it… A sudden wave of emotion roiled over me, accompanied by a flash of memories.
I remembered the last time I was happy, the last time I felt I was succeeding, and the last time I had my life figured out and was kicking ass and taking names.
It was school… before I left school and dropped out, I was on top of the world and dare I say… winning. Excelling at even very high level classes, I was at the top of my game. Getting assignments done well in advance, and going to the gym for 1–2 hours per day, taking huge steps to improve my health.
It was in that moment of recollecting I threw the knife across the room, dug deep and picked up the me that was beaten down so many years ago. Then I knew what decision I would make next. I would go back to work and back to school, to purse a career doing something that is in-line with the person I actually am, not the person I wish I was.
This new self-awareness has also taught me that I cannot work at home, or by myself, I need to be surrounded by other people. I also need to be doing some sort of analyst work, something that involves math and numbers. I used to be able to do calculus in my head, now I’m going to get that skill back.
It is not my time to be an entrepreneur… not yet at least. So for now I will be working to return to college as early as possible, in order to pursue my degree once again.
Don’t think I’ve given up on this dream of being an entrepreneur. I just have to go down the path that will work for me, not try and follow the path of someone else. I’m going all-in on my strengths and punting the weaknesses. Thanks for the advice Gary Vaynerchuk.