An End, A Beginning

I don’t judge her — the me before I started caring less about stuff and more about people.

This is my last week here, for good, I expect.

I’ll say my farewells this weekend.

Lots of tears will be shed, lots of hearts will be aching. Mainly mine, although I’ll try my best to act like it won’t.

(Picking up the pieces is much more difficult than super-gluing your fissures to prepare for the inevitable shatter.)

I’ve tinkered with my red, hard-bodied suitcase for a few days now. Adjusting things and trying to make rolls of 6 identical outfits fit into one side while the rest of my (potentially) only belongings will fit in the lid’s zippered side.

It’s all I need, I tell myself.

I’ll be shipping the boxes of my family’s items and clothes and keepsakes the day before I board the plane for Seattle.

Our furniture is ordered from IKEA — not a simple process, but it should be there within two days after I arrive. (Hopefully.)

We’re starting over. Almost completely.

Just a few remnants of our former lives…

When I say it like that, it feels wrong. It feels — it feels like I’m saying that we are defined by the things we acquire. Our “former lives” are simply set as a house and furnishings and decor.

New job, new city, new home, new life.

New furniture, new but less stuff.

I remember a time when I would have been embarrassed to say that we were buying 98% of our furnishings from IKEA.

I remember a time when I thought I needed to be surrounded by things to define myself as a human being — to feel like I had reached some level of success established by how much and how expensive of things you accumulate.

I don’t judge her — the me before I started caring less about stuff and more about people.

She was in a different place, fully.

She “needed” these things to feel whole.

She “needed” her friends to see how far she came, exemplified by all that stuff.

But soon, I’ll be able to go outside and walk in the sun and in the rain (we all know there will be rain) and not feel like I’m burning alive.

Who needs stuff when you can do that?

This move is the end of so much…

It’s the end of pain and situationally derived headache and heartache as it’s been served to us over the past several years.

It’s likely the end to a few friendships and relationships, though — an end to things as they were, at least.

But, it’s certainly a palatable beginning I’m salivating to taste.

It’s a whole new life just days away…


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