Tired, I want to breath

I am so tired.

Tired of the shit.

Tired of the disrespect.

Tired of being looked at like I’m an idiot for wanting things to get done and done well.

Tired of having to subtly manipulate to get anything done because my word or my idea is never good enough.

Tired of not being taken seriously.

Tired of being stuck with the label of someone I used to be fifteen or twenty years ago.

Tired of being overwhelmed.

Tired of the demand.

Tired of being a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother.

Tired of feeling useless.

Tired of feeling like I’m supposed to be this unobtainable thing I could and would never be.

Tired of others not appreciating my body shape even a fraction as much as I have learned to.

Tired of my kids’s current phases.

Tired of being cranky and angry and negative and vicious.

Tired of bitching.

Tired of being a bitch.

Tired of putting on makeup and wearing bras.

Tired of caring so fucking much about the condition of my belongings.

Tired of all the stuff.

Tired of cleaning, cooking, choring, shopping.

Tired of having more house than I can handle.

Tired of having pets.

Tired of living here.

Tired of my disease.

Tired of the depression and anxiety.

Tired of the necessity to plan ahead, so far ahead that I can no longer see where I’m supposed to be right now.

Tired of getting bored with everything.

Tired of losing focus and losing my way every time I get bored.

Tired of procrastination.

Tired of never having enough time to just sit and chat with someone without watching the goddamned clock.

Tired of staying in bed for eight to nine hours but never seeming to get enough sleep.

I’m tired of being so fucking tired all the time…

Is it okay that I’m whining?

It should be.

Because I’m tired of trying to feel and be “perfect” for everyone else.

What’s the point?

I want to whine and bitch and moan.

I want to be negative sometimes.

I want to be alone sometimes—a lot of the time.

I want to get shit done when it needs to get done and not be held back by my situation or by other people’s shit.

I want to move on with my life.

I want to change, evolve, grow into the next level.

I want to breathe without being strangled by the noose I seem to knot tighter each day.

I just want to breathe…

I’m Sara Eatherton-Goff, a non-fiction and fiction writer, visual artist, and entrepreneur mom-person currently writing on Medium and other publications. Check out some of my collective works on my website, and join my Creative Community for a weekly update, story share, and more.