Who has time to grow up?
I questioned my reality at a young age.
What my parents viewed as “crazy” was my everyday life.
I made bad decisions and acted recklessly. And after my mom died in 2005, I took that time to have a four-year-long emotional breakdown.
It was painful. But it was something I needed to go through to become the woman I am today.
It’s hard to believe that it’s been almost twelve years since she passed. It’s hard to believe I still haven’t figured my shit out, either…
But isn’t that kind of the beauty of life?
We grow and make tons of mistakes, and hopefully learn from things we fuck up.
I see, though, as a parent, it’s not so easy to just do and not ponder all the consequences of every action beforehand.
(That’s how we royally mess our kids up, huh?)
I remember thinking my cousins had their shit together at my age. And as I look through thirty-year-old eyes at my ten years older cousins, I see how much I have to be thankful for.
I see how my little act-outs changed my life for the better.
It’s okay that I messed up so much. It’s okay that I made the same mistakes over and over again.
It was my process.
Today, I’m sitting on my couch, feet reclined at a ninety-degree angle and writing the first post of my new blog.
And I’m excited, let me tell you.
Do I know if it’ll go anywhere? No. No, I don’t.
Do I know if I made the right decision to close the full-time doors on my business — Goff Creative — to go back to writing creatively and just focusing on my health and family?
…I’ll get back to you on that.
But this is the journey I’m ready to take.
I built careers and a whole, intricately-woven life up until this point, and outside of never considering losing or leaving my family behind, I’m shattering everything I’ve built.
I’m ready to be who I want to be and do what I want to do for the first time in my life.
Let’s see if the rest of the world likes it or not.
(Although I really don’t give a shit either way.)