Settlement with Lost

It’s been about 5 years I broke up with a person I used to love. I broke up with him in April of 2012 but we were on break on August of 2011. We took a break from each other because I told him the truth that I didn’t want to cheat on him and my feelings where starting to fade. He didn’t want to break up and so we went on a break and we meet up only at the train station to talk. When college started for me all I did was tried to pass my classes and make new friends and have a good start with myself. I don’t know what he did because I never asked him except that he would tell me that he missed me and wanted to eat together. Which most of the time was dinner. Dinner was different for both of us and since I was getting my feelings back, I needed to find a support system so I wouldn’t come back. I went to a female support system where I heard stories similar to mine. Finding out I was mentally abuse and emotionally got me thinking of trying not to hang out with him anymore. So I went on dates and none where sparkling or motivating to go on a second date or third. What helped me out was realizing that if I were to go back to him, I would be abuse again and be cheated on. When I finally had the guts to break up with him. I literally started crying on the second day because he literally did try the rebound. When he could’ve done it while we were on break. He knew I went out because he would ask a mutual friend of ours except that I knew this friend for a long time. I felt extremely embarrassed that my friend had to be in the middle of our break. So i told my friend don’t tell him anything and don’t hang out with him. So glad my friend listened to me because they would’ve been feeling guilty about it. I told them the situation so it was okay. So back to crying face. When I was recovering I had ask a friend of mine to please help me out so I wouldn’t cry about it. So we went to the planetarium and I meet the person I’m with right now. He didn’t know the situation because the ex and I were talking but not a lot which was my fault for giving false hopes. We went on numerous dates and he kept telling me to be with him. I really wanted to be with him but I had to do the most unbelievable thing I ever could do. In advance I would say sorry if you think this is horrible. The ex invited me to his birthday which I agreed upon to go because he told me it was going to be with other people. When I found out it was only us, I felt like I was betraying the guy I liked more. When we sat and tried to look through the menu I did the horrible thing and be on my phone texting the guy that I wished I was back with him. I didn’t want to be rude with the ex. So I ate with him. But what I did was tell him I was already going out with someone else and my feelings for him had faded even though I had tiny feelings still burning for him. I gave him a small gift and let him go home alone while I took out my headphones to hear music. He told me I cheated on him. When we specifically agreed on the break up. I don’t know what he thought of me except I heard he missed me and wrote post about us. Then later on he has called me the slut and cunt. For a long time I have thought I had done the most unbelievable thing of hurting him to the abyss. But no one knows he had hurt me the most and push me to the point of killing myself. He knows I had tried because what he had done and I told certain people because of it. I still dream of him ever so often about him apologizing what he did to me. In reality I had to speak to him through messages because through person we would’ve called each other names and maybe someone would’ve gotten hurt. His response about my guilt was nothing but a laugh to him. He doesn’t know that he has hurt me worst or that I await for an apology for what he did for all those years. I wish someday we can talk properly and apologize in person. It will never come true. Because I have tried recently last year in late August.

The incidents that the ex has made will be in parts. It is time I tell the truth of my side.