A Glass Walled Purgatory of the Mind

Sometimes I imagine myself naked, alone, and floating through space. As I’m floating I look down at the Earth from afar, a small blue and green globe that seems rather beautiful. All the chaos and strife and hatred that permeates through humanity is hidden amongst the swirling clouds and immensity of the planet itself. It is peaceful. Everything that seems so pressing and important on Earth dissipates in the infinite expanse of space. I float as peacefully as a baby lying in its mother’s womb.

Then life occurs and I’m sucked back down to the cold concrete and look up at the horde’s glaring eyes and wonder how I can pull myself through this drudgery for another minute, hour, day, month, year, lifetime. But I continue, I move, I feel, I find the happiness in the crevices. The pureness of a rhythmic song, the echo of a thunderstorm in the distance, or increasingly the eye’s of my baby daughter. There’s hope and love there. Obviously.

Yet, the ugliness of the world just won’t escape my mind. The thoughts of others that don’t comply with any logic. The vicious animal like way we all react to the world most of the time. The violence and death and darkness. It’s always been there with us humans and continues unabated. I can’t understand it, or maybe just don’t want to. If I understood it, it would become accepted. Better to remain in my cocoon. Although I feel the cocoon wrapping ever so tightly each passing day.

And I have no answers, no truth. I’ve been searching for 33 years and don’t seem any closer than I have ever been. It’s all obscured, all gray, all a dark tint on the glass world. Can one ever know? Maybe not. Maybe we are all just meant to exist for an infinitesimal amount of time in the grand scheme of the universe and then “pop,” we are gone.