Self Care and Me
Self Care and Me
Written By: Caitlin Mehra
Beyond face masks: Lasting self-care via personal inquiry
The self-care movement has made its way into the education space, driving important and necessary conversations in places where “self” was previously considered a dirty word. There is now even a major annual educational conference, the Teacher Self Care Conference, dedicated solely to this topic. I believe this is the most important “trend” to hit the ed space, and I feel hopeful that it is not a trend at all, but the beginning of a revolution in the way educators (and other helpers) think, feel and act.
While I believe that deep and sustainable self-care is important for absolutely everyone, I know that it is crucial for teachers (including teaching aides, caregivers, social workers and program staff) because this work asks for a near total devotion to others. Moreover, the professions that ask for this level of attention, attunement and care towards others often do not provide the supportive safety net of compensation, benefits and resources that help teachers and practitioners keep themselves well.
As I was writing this series, a powerful article by Rachael Moshman called “Teachers Can’t Self-care Themselves Out of a Toxic Work Environment” started appearing all over my social media feeds. This article, found here, addresses the systemic changes that are sorely needed for teaching to become a sustainable practice, and how the self-care movement can be seen as having shifted the burden of wellness onto teachers, often adding guilt to an already full plate of difficult emotions and experiences.
I agree with Rachael. Whether we work in schools or other places of service, we cannot self-care our way out of situations that are oppressive, abusive, racist, inappropriate or toxic.
However, I’ve learned that we can self-care ourselves in to being the strongest, most trustworthy advocates for ourselves.
True self-care, the habitual practice of taking excellent care of ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, spiritually and financially, changes the way we move within the systems we seek to change. It builds clarity and agency. When we engage in this type of holistic self-care, we begin to trust ourselves to make decisions and take actions that promote sustainable wellness.
Ten years ago, as a new teacher, I was already proficient in many of the self-care strategies discussed today. I didn’t stay at work late. I went home and got in bed early. I made and kept social commitments and I read for pleasure. I always said yes to a massage. I played with my students at recess and delighted in them.
These choices weren’t trivial. They showed me I could put myself first and still serve others, an idea I strengthened until it became a core belief.
This was a good start, but these early tools were not enough to keep me well. Five years ago, I embarked on a much murkier journey of learning how to take care of myself, which included and continues to include tools like therapy, 12-step groups and different forms of meditation. I needed to do this for a multitude of reasons and symptoms that were showing up both inside and outside of work, including intense experiences with both anxiety and anger, a formidable emotional duo.
When I engaged in this kind of work, I saw where I was neglecting and harming myself, operating outside of my value system and stepping right over my own boundaries. I learned how to feel the signals of internal misalignment and take small steps to repair and rebuild my trust with myself. To me, there is nothing more self-caring than this.
The process is imperfect and ongoing, but I’m seeing the changes permeate every area of my life.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
There is no self-care without self awareness.
Self-care is not a fad, or a movement from outside of yourself to take on.
Self-care is the internal, extremely personal journey of knowing who you are and what you need in order to make decisions that promote your overall wellness.
It requires inquiry. It requires that we tell the truth.
Here’s one way to get started:
- Tell the truth to yourself about your experience
Find a private, quiet time to check-in with yourself. Ask yourself how you’re doing. Answer yourself with as much honesty as possible. Here’s a simple exercise that doesn’t take a lot of time:
Write down (or say aloud) the three main emotions you are experiencing at the close of the day or week.
Hands down, the most transformational part of my wellness journey has been developing emotional literacy. This means precisely identifying and naming my emotions.
I have learned that my emotions are messengers sent to me, from me, about how I’m doing. Emotions can be suppressed, but not evicted. They remain in the body and psyche, waiting to be utilized as the important sources of information they are. Below is a tool that changed my life, an emotions wheel.
As you reflect on your emotions, try to use words from the two outer circles as much as possible. Feeling helpless and feeling worried are different expressions of fear. The greatest clarity about what to do will come from being as precise as possible.
- Do not judge what you have written.
This process requires absolute self-compassion. This is for you, to get to know yourself better and find patterns that will help you care for yourself deeply and sustainably. Please know and believe that none of these emotions are wrong or bad.. Emotions are neutral, it is our interpretation of them or the behaviors associated with them that we judge as positive or negative. Uncomfortable emotions like anger, fear and sadness are not character defects, they are tools hardwired in us to help us survive.
- Look for patterns
When you look at your responses over a week, or multiple weeks, what patterns do you see? Are your emotions spread out across the wheel or concentrated to a certain family of emotions? Were there any surprises? Did your responses change as you built comfort and familiarity with the wheel?
Proceed with curiosity. On the other side of this simple exercise is the profound opportunity to meet yourself where you are, so that you may lead yourself to the new strategies, tools and resources that will help you develop sustainable self-care in every area of your life.
Stay tuned for my next post about how to identify your needs by interpreting the emotions you’re experiencing. Share in the comments. Reach out to us at info@litlifepd.com with questions or check out our website www.litlifepd.com.
Written By: Caitlin Mehra
