First comes love…then comes Part 2
So in part 1, I introduced you to me, my situation, and what brings me to medium. I started the story of us and I’ll continue in this part so we can get to the crazy CRAZY stuff. It’s actually more sad than crazy to be honest.
I’ll preface by saying within my marriage, I was not perfect. So this is not some kind of bash my ex series… Its just me writing and getting these things out of my head as fast as I can. Also the ending of my marriage did not solely rest on his back, it was a joint effort. One thing about getting married at 22, is that you don’t know yourself and you definitely don’t know the other person. We had a whirlwind romance and he deployed in the middle of it. We loved and hated each other so much. He was set to move, I refused to go without a ring…he MAILED me a ring lol. We got married and honestly within the first six months, I knew that I had made a BIG mistake.
One story that sticks in my mind is St Patrick's Day. He introduced me to one of his friends whom I never met before. Tony was so wrapped up in drinking and his friend that he kind of just left me alone. His friend had his brother with him and as we were walking I struck up a casual convo with him. I guess I seemed too interested because Tony started glaring at me. I fell back and we continued on to a restaurant. We all sat down at a table, talking and having fun. I clumsily knocked over my drink…he glared at me, and told me that's what I got for entertaining another man.
We discussed divorce early on, I mean EARLY on. Not too long ago, I stumbled on my poetry book…I had a poem written about divorcing him. We had been married barely a year or not even a year when I penned that. I had made up in my mind that I was done. The icing on the cake was finding text messages from him and his coworker (woman) saying how unhappy he was and she told him he should just return me to the store. He shared with her things about our marriage that really shouldn’t have ever left our home. He complained about my cooking. I didn’t fix things the way he wanted so he went and told mutual friends that I couldn’t cook. This is why I am so confused at myself for accepting his invitation to go to VA for the holidays.
Man…VA for the holidays. Where do I begin? So, I go up there to see his family. He takes me to his aunts house. He made a running joke about me not being able to cook, asking me why I couldn’t cook like his aunt, pointing out everything about me he didn’t like TO HIS FAMILY. I’m sitting here, a guest, and all my insecurities are being put on front street. I cried. I was told by his family to loosen up, this is what they did…
It had been months at that time since we had been physical with one another. I decided to be physical with him…and guess what? Yup…ended up pregnant and I never felt so stuck in my entire life. I DID NOT BELIEVE IN DIVORCE and abortion wasn’t an option. Being the fixer that I am, I sucked up the hurt and pain I felt and decided come hell or high water, we were going to make this family work. And make it work, I did…
I was 4 months pregnant when we moved to Kansas for his new duty station. So excited to leave the drama and pain behind in Georgia and start afresh somewhere new. Neither of us knew anyone and I thought that was great because it would teach us how to really depend on each other. Many people told us that Kansas would make or break us. If you asked me back in 2013 if it made or broke us, I would have said…it broke us. But honestly, it made ME.
Anyways, I’m sure you’re like, “Ok, Lita…hurry up with the narcissistic stuff…” It’s coming, I assure you…just be patient.
So anyways… I was 6 months pregnant when I remember this one soldier in particular. Tony was mesmerized by Puerto Rican women… clearly NOT me. I’m regular black, I don’t speak Spanish, and I don’t have this big ass he wanted his woman to have. Well…he met this soldier. Guess what she was? YUP. Guess what she spoke? YUP to that too. Guess what she had? YUP to that as well. And here I was 6 months pregnant hearing my husband tell me “I can’t believe I didn’t want to sleep with her. She’s literally everything that I wanted”. I kid you not, that’s almost an exact quote. Who the hell says that to their 6 month pregnant wife? She would call him all hours of the night and he was the biggest Captain Save a Hoe, I’ve ever met in my entire life. He flew to her rescue while leaving his wife to fend for herself.
I have so many stories…I’m literally just writing the ones that pop out or that were the most hurtful to me.
Up until this point, I didn’t really know he was a narcissist. Sure he had shown some signs but not really big ones or ones that were easily recognizable. Well, not back then. Now? yeah.
I’m about to write part 3 because if you’ve stuck around and read this then you deserve a break lol.