Drugged Up Youth

“ You have failed the 9th grade” principal Kelly told me.

I guess that all those mornings of making my mom believe i was in school had finally paid off, huh. Holy shit..All of my friends couldn’t believe the news. How could i have not kept up with my grades? How could I not just do the homework and show up to class? It seemed that my dreams and all of the way that life was supposed to have gone for me had all burned down to ashes. I was now in a special percentage of students that was so low that it was laughable. Yeah those crazy outcast kids who didn’t go to class for their own bullshit excuses. Who just couldn’t get the system. Who were weird and seemed to just not fit in. Nobody seem to know why and what to do about me. Nobody knew what i was really going through and of course nobody seemed to give a shit. I was down and out already in my young life, feeling things that some people feel when their 30 or 50.

I had always been the quiet kid in the back of the class who was socially awkward and overthought everything. I was extremely introverted but I still managed to have my good group of loyal friends who where my lifeline to my problems. We had the greatest inside jokes and made fun of so many people in our school. “Ballena de mierda!”(Whale of shit)I would yell out to our science teacher who looked like an obese whale.

My quietness had always been my biggest crutch. I just never seemed to know how to express myself fully to other people. Never could harness enough energy to just say and be myself all the time like all the other kids.

The truth was that i always bottled up everything. It all continued through my high school years. Great times occurred but most where filled with alcoholic nights infused with cocaine, pills and crazy parties. I felt at home with the lifestyle of the crazy outlaws who didn’t give a shit about the system. The ones who where in it to make a statement of anarchy and individuality. We all thought we were the shiniest shit in the universe. My mind was smoked up with so much toxicity that it lead me to steal beer with my friends and drunk rampages that ended with a 8 am headache and an empty stomach lost in another city. It was fun as fuck while the adrenaline and pleasure of it all remained but as everything the more you do, the more pain and shit you have to pay for in the form of horrible feelings. I was getting older and older and it seemed that people i knew from the past where all getting their jobs and going to college and getting shit done for their dreams. I on the other hand remained stuck in the same cycles and vices. Dreaming of shit but not doing anything about it. I was drinking and fucking up the most youthful years of my life and i was so destroyed by that reality. It hurt my soul.

Most people go through the stage of the high school-college party asshole and then smoothly snap out of it and flow into their life’s and get work done and stay balanced. Not me. I never knew limits. I never knew about endings. It became a routine of just getting fucked up and living life like i was unbeatable. Unhealthy eating lead me to gain so much weight and my anxiety was destroying my existence. Panic attacks, paranoia, addictive urges of drugs and food. Sadness. Loneliness. Stress and many dark years would follow.

End Of Chapter 1 (More coming up soon)

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