Letters to Liv

A Scandal Recap Through the Eyes of Olivia Pope’s Black Friend

Dear Liv,

You know, since the moment you told me about your “what if” universe, I’ve had that John Lennon song “Imagine” in my head. “Imagine all the people…” LOL! More like, imagine all the people who would have lived if Ghost villain hadn’t become president. #AmandaTanner #GideonWallace #BrittaKagen #Verna #James #Harrison #FrankieVargas #JenniferFields #Sandra (just to name a few). But seriously, lets unpack this fantasy, I mean alternative universe of yours; this version of what your life would have been if you had not gifted that ungrateful Carl from Ghost lookin’ ass mofo the oval office.

So…Olivia Pope, sans White House… a.k.a: Alt-Liv

Girl, first of all, without Defiance, do you really see alt-Ghost villain losing by such a small margin? Less than 5000 votes? That’s like two mega churches and an extra town or something. Y’all couldn’t eek out that win with some extra volunteers on GOTV? Anyway, since we’re living in your alternative “I Did the Right Thing in my Head” reality, and Ghost villain loses the election, I LOVE the way alt-Liv was instantly on to the next cause. The way she chucked up the deuces to the Grant campaign with an email! So savage, girl. LOL! *Cross country hi-five!* What didn’t surprise me was that alt-Ghost villain chased after alt-Liv like an abandoned puppy. He’s so damn basic. Alt-Liv apologizes for letting him down, he says “you didn’t let me down” (he only ran because his daddy wanted him to, now his daddy is dead, so he’s not really ‘bout that leader of the free world life anyway, but I’m getting ahead of your story, so let me back up.). Anyhoo, Ghost villain, as regular Joe citizen now, still gets all up in alt-Liv’s grill about her plans after graduation, and she tells him that she’s going to go help alt-Marcus get a bill passed? Damn, girl! That’s quite a fall from grace; to go from running a presidential campaign, to working with a no-name to get a single bill passed in Congress. I guess since alt-Liv did not succeed at making a president and did not work in the WH and does not have a POTUS on speed dial, her reputation for being a bad-ass fixer didn’t materialize and no power players came knocking at her door. Ouch.

The good thing is that alt-Liv is still a boss, so regardless of her circumstances, she was still making moves; they were in a dingy storefront office, with just alt-Huck, alt-Marcus and alt-Abby (rolls eyes), but moves none the less. What’s strange is that alt-Liv would even consider going on a date with Leo Bergen. Ewh. You were dating power players before Ghost villain, so why would alt-Liv date Leo? Is that the place she was in? That’s not even the sunken place. That’s the 20,000 leagues under the sea place. LOL!

Oh, but then this little alt-universe of yours gets worse when alt-Ghost villain shows up out of nowhere to tell alt-Liv that he left his wife. Um…bruh, you can’t call first? I love that alt-Liv said “next time make an appointment”! LOL! If only she had stuck to that. If only alt-Liv was as offended as I was when this mofo showed up, unannounced, shocked that she was living her life and not sitting by the phone waiting for him, and basically demanded that she marry him. He wasn’t down on one knee, didn’t have a ring, and didn’t really ask, so WTF kind of proposal was that? I’m sure alt-Liv is just like you in the sense that she doesn’t do the rose petals and candles, but no ring? No bended knee? Hell no. Nope.com. Nope@helltotheno.org. Sigh. Unfortunately, to the shock of no one, alt-Liv is just as predictable as your ass, and therefore fell for Ghost villain’s wide-eyed begging. “Marry me, Olivia Pope.” That’s wasn’t a question; that was a command. I don’t care how sweet you think that sh*t was. It’s classic narcissistic Ghost villain; all about what he wants.

Moving on, alt-Liv and alt-Ghost villain get married, yada, yada, yada, blah, blah, blah, alt-Huck gives alt-Liv away (the only part of that wedding I enjoyed), Mellie lurks outside of the wedding (creepy and sad), and #PapaPope is in the audience looking disappointed and disgusted (I’m with you, Rowan). Then comes happily ever after… for all of five minutes. LOL! After a year of honeymoon sexy-times, reality starts to set in, and alt-Liv realizes she’s married to a powerless cable TV commentator who bitches about her using her own money to rent office space for her growing business or nonprofit or whatever she’s doing now, and whines about her not wanting to move to the suburbs? *Yawns* Boring.

What is fun is the epic-ness of alt-Liv’s takedown of alt-Ghost villain and his ego. Letting him know that Mellie’s move to run for president wasn’t about him, that everything isn’t always about him, was necessary and satisfying. We learn quickly that liquored up alt-Ghost villain is just as pitiful as the real one. Even in your fantasy, he is petty enough to throw alt-Liv’s lack of power in her face, and then criticize her for thinking that Mellie in the WH would be a good thing because she would at least have access to real power. Oh, but Alt-Liv lands a damaging blow when she tells alt-Ghost villain that he used to be a big dog (but is now just a little bitch. At least, that’s what alt-Liv said in my head. LOL!)…way harsh, Tai (shout out to #Clueless). I LOVED it! In classic Ghost villain fashion, of course, alt-Ghost villain had the nerve to hit below the belt and ask alt-Liv if she was screwing Marcus. Alt-Liv out there working her ass off for criminal justice reform (with her natural hair, casual clothing and regular people shoes), and this fool accuses her of creeping around with her colleague? Because she has to be screwing someone if she’s not screwing him the way he likes, right? I CANNOT. WITH. THIS. MUTHA. F*CKER!

Fortunately, alt-Liv is savage AF and knocks alt-Ghost villain out with straight facts about how she could have made him president by fixing the election, but didn’t. His ego beaten down by that little kernel of truth, this drunk-ass man-baby says “then you should have done it” as if he’s sober enough, or possesses the cognitive maturity, to process what such a thing would have meant. We all know how his mediocrity unfolds in the universe where Defiance happened, and now we know alt-Ghost villain was going to be just as basic and miserable as regular Ghost villain (Kanye shrug). As if his wife didn’t just ruin all his little feelings, alt-Ghost storms out after saying “At least I would have been president”. Yeah, a horrible one. #BoyBye

This alt-universe, where the alt-Grants are miserable (which makes me smile), alt-Ghost villain is drinking himself into oblivion while spewing nonsense as a cable TV commentator, and alt-Liv has no respect for her husband and isn’t having sex with him, sounds vaguely familiar. LOL! The part where alt-Liv is trudging around DC like regular ole’ advocacy folk trying to do good work with no powerful friends or WH connections, however, is a tad depressing (Um…why didn’t alt-Liv reach out to alt-Senator Davis?) Also, alt-Abby, who is a better friend in your mind (is it because alt-Liv has no power and therefore alt-Abby has no reason to resent her? Hmm…), is drafting divorce papers and telling alt-Liv that she never gave alt-Ghost villain a chance? I’m all for friends keeping it 100 and telling you what you don’t want to hear, but damn, who’s side is this bitch on? Real talk though, even though I don’t like the bitch, alt-Abby wasn’t wrong about drunk man-baby alt-Ghost villain’s need for attention and getting it from America since he wasn’t getting it from alt-Liv. He’s still suffocating and hella needy in the alternate reality, though. Geesh. And him almost getting head from alt-Quinn, a.k.a. reality show- grabber of 15 minutes of fame “Lindsay D” was typical; even in your alt-reality, Ghost villain still has cheater tendencies…#Message

So…I’m not even going to get into the psychology of why you would imagine alt-Mellie and alt-Cyrus together in a loveless marriage of convenience. Mells doesn’t get love in the real world or your alt-universe, huh? A woman who wants power has to sacrifice everything, including love, her dignity, and self-respect, just to obtain the highest office in the land? But men get to have a wife and multiple mistresses? Oh, OK. (cough, cough, sexist, cough, cough). I like that alt-Cyrus is as monstrous as ever, but not that alt-Mellie has trapped herself in a life she no longer wants and has little to no control over her fate. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry when alt-Mellie’s visited alt-Liv to apologize and tell alt-Liv that she was right about Defiance.

Actually, that alt-Mellivia meeting made me cringe. When dafuq did this become all about saving Ghost villain? Let’s just gloss over the fact that he walked off of his TV commentator job like a diva who is unhappy with her green room accommodations. He then goes home (to Liv’s apartment that they still live in, #ForReasons) and, after 2 and a half years, FINALLY admits that he lost the election because he didn’t want it. Not because Liv failed, or because they didn’t rig it, but (in so many words) because his spoiled ass was doing it for daddy and didn’t really want to be president so he kinda bs’d his way through it and became a tad distracted when he jumped on team swirl and wrapped his self-worth all up in his love for Olivia. Then alt-Ghost villain conveniently reminded alt-Liv that he never wanted anything (yet had everything #WhiteMalePrivilege) until he met her.

Sigh… What kind of manipulative emotional blackmail malarkey was that? Was that supposed to be romantic? This basic mofo essentially told alt-Liv that she is his whole reason for being and without her he’s nothing — same ish Ghost villain has said (which means she can’t possibly leave him, otherwise he would cease to exist). To add insult to psychological injury, he then tells alt-Liv that she made the right call on Defiance and that he needs to fix his life because he squandered their chance at happiness (duh). I will give it to alt-Ghost villain though…at least he took responsibility for his trifling-ass behavior, unlike the real one. But I was still hoping alt-Liv was handing him divorce papers instead of a real estate listing for a house. But alas… this was your fantasy, not mine. LOL!

So essentially, the moral of your lil’ alt-universe “if I had done the right thing” story is: 
It’s OK that alt-Liv has no real power, and that alt-Mellie is still trapped in a loveless marriage and being forced down a dark path with alt-Cyrus and same Rowan, because alt-Liv saved alt-Ghost villain from a presidency that he didn’t want in the first place. And, after working through their issues, the alt-Grants will live happily ever after even though alt-Liv is still ‘bout that power moves & boss-mode life and alt-Ghost villain doesn’t know who he is or what he wants out of life other than her? Hold on...I just threw up in my mouth a little. *Fans-self* Girl, seriously? Just FYI, your alt-universe sucks. Alt-Liv doesn’t even get to meet alt-Jake in your alt-universe! What kind of f*ckery is that?! The side-eye I’m giving your little narrative is so epic right now. I can’t with you. LOL!

Girl, while you extract whatever you need to from your alt-universe and move forward, I’m going to keep it moving with what I got out of it: Defiance was necessary. LOL! Defiance led to Jake, so yay Defiance! Defiance4Eva! I’m going to get a t-shirt made and email you a copy of me wearing said t-shirt in Defiance County, Ohio. *Googles places to have custom t-shirts made and things to see in Defiance County, Ohio* LOL!!!

Bye girl!


Ya Girl

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