Letters to Liv

A Scandal Recap Through the Eyes of Olivia Pope’s Black Friend

Dear Liv,

I have to start by addressing the elephant in the room...your "reconciliation" (gag) with Ghost villain. Now, clearly, the thank-you-for-saving-my-dad bone was more than that. I’m sure, in your mind, Ghost villain stepped up for you, he took initiative and actually did something right for once. Bravo to him. Let me guess: you were proud of him? He reminded you of the Ghost villain of old, the Governor running for president, who was ambitious and full of ideas, and hope. That man you fell for on the trail, the one so full of possibilities and promise, right?

That’s cute.

What I see, as your friend, is that you’re backsliding. I have said it before, and I will say it again, nothing has changed for you two. Hell, even in your fantasy world, y’alls relationship was toxic. Sure, he eventually came to the conclusion, in alt-world, that he needed to fix himself, but that was your fantasy. This real life mofo doesn’t even admit that he has flaws! He thinks there’s nothing wrong with him. You seem to keep forgetting, or overlooking, or just giving zero fux about the toxicity that always manages to surface between you two when you’re together for longer than 20 minutes. But you go on ahead and play house with Ghost villain again. Let’s see if it works this time. #EpicSideEye

Now, considering Ghost villain had only nine days left in office and had pardon petitions stacked up like the Black Friday coupons one discards on Giving Tuesday, he didn’t really seem interested in doing the work he had assigned himself. Then this SOB had the nerve to still be in his feelings about Abby’s betrayal after he demanded that you forgive her? #DaFuq? Really, bro?! He who murdered a Supreme Court Justice and shot down an airplane full of people? #BoyBye

Ghost villain can’t do his job alone, which he has proven time and time again, but to be fair, no POTUS can (but I don’t like his ass, so he doesn’t get a pass). Yet, rather than apologize to Abby, this pot calling the kettle Black, judgemental, I went to war to try save my side-piece (no offense, but, you know, #Facts) even though I didn’t actually save her, Carl from Ghost looking mutha f*cker sent her home?! Who does that?! I really can’t with your boy-president, girl. He’s so goddamn insufferable!

Sheesh. Anyhoo, is it just me, or is it odd that David was the only one intent on finding out the real identities of the #RealLannistersOfDC? Sure, it was because he was in his feels about #DCCersei playing him like a fiddle and convincing him that she was wifey material and wanted to have babies( *In my sarcastic voice* Yeah, because Karma has forgotten what David did to Susan Ross and wanted him to be happy). LOL! Fortunately, David’s fanboying gave #PapaPope the opportunity to rid himself of #DCCersei’s head and help David. You know, I’m not even mad at your daddy for decapitating that bitch. She had it coming.

What was a tad surprising was David taking #DeadDCCersei’s head to Abby. First of all, where was Leo? Did they finally break up for real for real? Good for him. Anyhoo, Abby and David freaked out over the head in the box, bitching ensued, they called bae Jake, and then...oh, wait, I stopped caring. You know I don’t like that Red headded heffa.

I’m grateful that bae Jake was able to extract DNA samples from #DeadDCCersei and track down her real identity. Bae Jake is so pretty... he’s also dropped so many bodies that he was completely unbothered by the severed head in the box. Bae was basically like, toss that sh*t back in the fridge. LOL!

Jake going back to his post as head of the nosey spying agency, um, I mean the NSA, was a good move. He can still keep tabs on everyone and find out things no one wants him to find out. Plus, Jake is still in the POTUS inner circle as head of thr NSA, and therefore not far from your side. I mean POTUS-ELECT Mellie’s side. LOL! No, actually, I don’t mean that. We both know you’re not going to let Jake out of your sight. You may be in Ghost villain’s bed (ewh), but you’re still going to be checking for Jake like your ID reads Mrs. Ballard. LOL! Just as you did before.

Who you won’t be able to keep eyes on everyday are Quinn and Huck, so it was a smart move to use that pardon to test their ability to handle cases without you. Quinn stepped up and demonatrated her readiness to ascend from her role as Assistant Gladiator to Deputy Gladiator in Charge of OPA. While most exams include multiple choice questions and pencils, you used the criminal justice system, a redneck bar full of racists and showdowns with you and Ghost villain to teach Quinn how to be that bitch. You’re like a well dressed Black female Yoda in Jimmy Choos. LOL! Oooo, but Quinn really did try to come for you, didn’t she? She was on some "no one puts #ItsQuinnBitch in a corner" ish. LOL!

Now that your business is in good hands, you and Mellie can be work besties and that you can continue helping her pick he Cabinet as her Chief of Staff without distraction. It was hilarious how Mellie thought she was slick by gently throwing out Marcus' name for Communications Director. LOL! I guess Mellie thought that, since Ghost villain had his in-house side-piece, she could have hers too. Unfortunately for Mells, Marcus is not 'bout that President’s side-piece life, and declined Mellie’s offer. He really shaded you when he said “I’m not Olivia Pope” a.k.a I’m not about to be your in-house booty call.(Yes, I just called you the President’s booty call. Where exactly is the lie? I’ll wait…LOL!) Awh, but poor Mellie. She went Black and now she doesn’t want to go back! #SadFace

Speaking of Marcus, he’s starting to grown on me. I love how he called Ghost villain out for having zero legislative receipts when your boy-president tried to act like he’s accomplished something during his two terms. Ghost villain tried to use that one bill he signed that one time, as his “legacy” and Marcus was like, nah son. Even though Ghost villain tried to whip out his white male privilege and pull his POTUS rank on Marcus for keeping it real, Ghost villain at least acknowledged that he didn’t do sh*t during his presidency. I love that Ghost villain said that he was going to start changing the world once his term was up. Um...yeah, I’m pretty sure he did that wrong. I mean, one would think the presidency came with all kinds of change-the-world-ish powers, but maybe I just misread the Constitution or something.

On a side note, the work that Ghost villain wants his foundation to do is phenomenal and needed, so I wish him well (shout out to Tony Goldwyn and the Innocence Project).

Now that Ghost villain is terming out, was your dad really just going to peace out on you? Glad you two had a nice dinner, where he once again tried to put you up on game about how your world as the "Hand of the King" was about to change. You, however, still refuse to receive the life lessons Rowan tries to teach you, but he’s your dad, so he loves your hard headed ass anyway. LOL! He was almost on that plane too, until you rode up in a Black SUV like the Federales and stopped him. Poor Rowan. He can’t even disappear in peace.

So you brought your dad back to the WH dungeon/secure room/sunken place just to tell him that your mama was behind ALL of this madness?! Guuurrl!!! When I tell you that I was shook! I. Was. Shook! Now, thanks to #PapaPope saving that bitch’s head, David needing closure, and bae Jake being head of the NSA, y’all were able to find out that your mama was the mastermind behind this plot to kill Vargas. So…just for clarification…had David not been so thirsty, and your dad so monstrous, y’all wouldn’t have found out squat, right? Right. LOL!

Now, to quote my favorite movie ever, Dirty Dancing, (don’t judge me, heffa, I know you’ve seen it more than once) "When I’m wrong, I say I’m wrong." I was wrong. LOL! I just knew your dad was the big bad behind the #RealLannistersOfDC, but alas, it wasn’t him. It was your mama!!! Guuurrl!!! How you managed to grow up and not be a sociopath with parents like yours is a miracle. Don’t get me wrong, I fux with #PapaPope, but he is still scary AF. I do not, however, fux with your mama. She is the official “bad bitch” brand ambassador and I plan to stay far away from her for the rest of my natural life, my afterlife, my reincarnated life, and my life in Heaven. Plus all of eternity. Girl!!! #MamaPope is 'bout that life! She got #PapaPope to order the downing of a passenger jet full of people back in the day. She tried to kill Ghost villain. She killed her own man. She killed a Senator. She set Rowan up to kill his own girlfriend. She hired the #RealLannistersOfDC to terrorizes you and your friends. Mama Pope is the badest-bitch and I am two parts scared, and one part intrigued. LOL!

I don’t know how you all are going to neutralize your mama, because she will kill everybody, including you if she has to. Rowan has a weak spot for her, so you need to be careful. If you ask him to, I’m sure bae Jake would handle it. Jake will do just about anything for you, even kill your mama. #ThatsRealLove

If you do ask Jake to kill #MamaPope, and he does it, you make sure that you give him some thank-you-for-saving-America sex. It’s only fair! LOL! #SorryNotSorry

Hugs!!

Ya Girl

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