Letters to Liv

A Scandal Recap Through the Eyes of Olivia Pope’s Black Friend

Dear Liv,

Girl! Guuurrl! Please tell me that this #GameOfDrones "we don’t die we multiply" sequel was not due to the decision you and your #SuicideSquad made to nominate Vargas' wife for Veep instead of that #RealLannistersOfDC dude. Please reassure me that my life, and the lives of all of the other folks who live in major cities across the nation were not in jeopardy because y’all didn’t take these evil f*ckers' threats seriously? Oh, wait, it was your fault because you didn’t actually handle these bastards like you thought you had? Oh, Ok. #EpicSideEye #ShadeThrown

Sigh...look, I get it. You were trying to do your "white hat" thing and slay these domestic terrorist dragons by turning the tables and protecting Mellie and America from having a murderous mystery villain as Veep. Cudos. You get an "A" for effort. HOWEVER, how did you not know that retaliation was coming? I know you can’t see the future, but were you really shocked that this mofo would retaliate? Like, you were shocked, shocked? Liv, really? That is just dumb. LOL! I mean, come on Olivia! This man got your dad, the HNIC of handling mutha f*ckers, to kill the POTUS-ELECT. He and his ride-or-die-bitch killed Jennifer. They sent Cyrus to prison and set you up to take the fall. The chick was literally in bed with the Attorney General, they got the president’s Chief of Staff to dig into Vargas' dead autopsy body for bullet fragments, and bashed in Lizzy McBeal’s head in the Senate Office Building. Did you think he was just going to bitch-up and go home because you put his partner in crime under lock and key in the WH? Really? Well, he showed all y’all that he was 'bout that life and that he gave zero fux about human lives, ergo, the mass evacuations and dead Americans. LAWD! I am still shaking.

The good thing is that when that mofo had drones flying over multiple cities like those damn spaceships in "Independence Day," y’all realized sh*t was real, and started thinking outside of the box. Unfortunately, to the shock of no one, rather than think of a way to fix things, Ghost villain went straight to blaming #PapaPope. Gawd forbid the boy-president take responsibility for his actual job of protecting the public from terrorists. Of couse it had to be the Black man’s fault. I don’t blame Rowan for refusing to help y’all. I am, howrver, disappointed in you for not slapping dafuq out of Ghost villain when he put hands on your daddy! Girl!!! I wanted to reach back through the hands of time and the time space continuum and wring that mutha f*cka Ghost villain’s neck for putting hands on #PapaPope!! When I tell you that I had scenes of "Roots", "12 Years a Slave", and "Selma" all fly through my mind as I heard the song "Glory" when I learned that man put paws on your dad?! *Fans self* Oooo, if I had been in DC!!! I am still mad! Whew, I need a moment, Liv... #Woosah

Anyhoo, when assaulting your dad yielded nada, and your attempt to punk Tywin Lannister failed epically and resulted in more Americans dying, y’all sent bae Jake to deal with Cersei. Now, it was smart to try to play her because it gave bae Jake an opportunity to participate, so he cut that bitch in the neck and extracted her tracking device. Jake’s so pretty... and good with knives. Unfortunately that plan went out of the window because David Rosen got all in his feelings about how his feelings weren’t real and f*cked it all up. Now, what was surprising was Rosen punching that heffa in the face! LOL! I don’t advocate for violence against women, but that treacherous murderous bitch had it coming and I was here for it.

With the chaos that ensued after the explosions and the flurry of WH activity, it was fitting that Abby got sidelined and passed over for Cyrus. LOL! Look, that’s not me being petty and messy (well, maybe a little, but you know I don’t like that heffa), those are straight facts. Abby has no idea how to take charge. The nation was under attack and she was in her office making calls instead of with Ghost villain in the situation room? Um...priorities?! She was out doing Deputy Director of Coordinating Things tasks, so Ghost villain relegated her to Head Coordinator of Things while he rolled with Cyrus to the big kids table to do the real work (of getting Rowan and Jake to handle things). I don’t feel sorry for Abby. She was out of her wheelhouse and Cyrus did nothing but show up and speak up, and he got Ghost villain to trust him during this high pressure, high stress situation. *Kanye Shrug* #Welp

So, after you spoke with Ghost villain about your dad, he figured out that Rowan was trying to protect you. I will give him a brownie point or two for bringing down the good liquor and attempting to talk to your dad like a man. Rowan, of course, had to break it down to Ghost villain that he couldn’t possibly understand what he, as a Black man, had to endure to ascend in his world and therefore could never understand the soul crushing, humiliation, and fear that led to his breaking point. That was the revelation of the century: they broke him. That your dad admitted that he had been broken by these people, to Ghost villain, in and of itself is life altering. The fact that they used the threat of sending your head to him in via mail like it was the new “Lemonade” box set is agonizing.

Oh, the things your dad has had to do to protect you! Liv...your father is a titan, but they used you to break him. I hope you fully understood the magnitude of that and show some long overdue appreciate to your father. Seriously. I know I appreciate him. Especially the disdain in his voice when he admitted out loud that you love Ghost villain. Imma keep it real, that nauseated the fuq out of me, but that’s your life choice, girl, so have at it.

I’m glad that after initially refusing to help, #PapaPope finally agreed to recapture his pimp hand and work with Ghost villain and bae Jake to shut the #RealLannistersOfDC down once and for all. Now, while you were being Mellie’s Cheerleader in Chief and keeping her from turning herself over to these terrorists, the three amigos were plotting their takedown. I understand why they kept you in the dark, so I hope your stayed out of your feels on that. Rowan clearly needed your real shock and awe to convince Cersei that he was being serious. With Ghost villain’s blessing, #PapaPope got the #RealLannistersOfDC to expose themselves and, with bae Jake’s help, hit 'em up. Jake followed Tywin to his #GameOfDrones command center and killed errrbody. LOL! Bae Jake is so stealth with his gun and silencer and precision. He’s so pretty... Ooo, then Rowan gutted Samantha or Grace or whatever that Cersei Lannister-ish bitch’s name was like she was a Stark at the “Red Wedding”. He then placed that heffa’s head in a box. LOL! That’s the #PapaPope I fux with!!! *Stands and applauds.* #HereForIt

I am releived that your extended squad finally vanquished these evil villains who took out Vargas and made Mellie the first female president. I mean, it would be nice to know exactly who these people were, what thier endgame was, how extensive their network was, and who else worked for them, but I guess closure would be too much to ask. LOL! It’s OK, Liv, the important thing is that this ish is over (hopefully) and things can get back to normal. Or things are going change completely because you’re 'bout to be Mellie’s Chief of Staff and help her run the free world! #WhoRunTheWorld

So...sidenote: what’s going to happen to OPA? Is Huck going to be your private security? Is Quinn going to be your Deputy Chief of Getting Shi*t done? These are real life questions, girl. These two are your ride-or-die-, core squad; you can’t just leave them behind. But that’s a conversation for another day, girl. LOL!


Ya Girl